Mothering – Page 3 – Skies of Parchment

July 11, 2013July 15, 2013

For Those Days….

I came across this yesterday, and I wish I knew who to give credit to, because it’s a beautiful heart behind all this.

It’s for those of us in the thick of it with kiddos and parenting and messy houses, when we feel like we’re getting nothing done ~ to sit, to drink deeply of this bit we call life, to treasure what really truly matters.

I was blessed and encouraged and I hope you are too!

// blueberry picking with the kiddos //

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// he’s walking everywhere! //

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// Edited: someone so kindly informed me that this was written by Lisa, of LisaJoBaker.com. All credit to her for the following beautiful words! //

For the days we are running… on empty. For the days we just don’t think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round of sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we’re sure anyone else would do this job better.

For those days. You know the ones.

Repeat after me:

1. I shall not judge my house, my kid’s summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest’s standards.

2. I shall not measure what I’ve accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I’ve tickled into my kids.

3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we’re building.

4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they’re already in their pajamas.

5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.

13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children’s forgiveness.

15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.

16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.

18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they’ll all be in college.

… with love from one tired mother to another.

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Be encouraged to BE today before the Lord, not only DO.

Happy Day!

~clarita

May 10, 2013May 10, 2013

A Gospel of Relationship

{thoughts on mothering}

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“I remember a time when I used to be much godlier. It was sometime in junior high and my room was clean. It must have been beautiful weather outside because the lighting was very nice in the room where I was reading my Bible every day and feeling really good. It was quite clear to me that my sanctification was progressing very well…

I laughed out loud when I came to the paragraphs above. Because, yes, I can so relate!

And I was both challenged and encouraged as I continued to read…

“The truth is my Christian life then was like a rock being refined by a slow river in a quiet place…

“But God took me out of that life and threw me into the rock tumbler. Here, it is not so easy to feel godly, because we spend our lives crashing into each other and actually getting our problems addressed. Here there is very little time for quiet reflection. I do a lot of on-the-job failure and correction. Repenting and forgiving. Laughing. Lots and lots of laughing. Because if there is anything that life in the rock tumbler will teach you, it is that there is no room to take yourself seriously. Like trying to strike “cool” poses on a rug that someone is continually pulling out from under you, self-seriousness in mothering is totally pointless and probably painful!

“It is no abstract thing – the state of your heart is the state of your home. You cannot harbor resentment secretly toward your children and expect their hearts to be submissive and obedient. You cannot be greedy with your time and expect them to share their toys. And perhaps most importantly, you cannot resist your opportunities to be corrected by God and expect them to receive correction from you.

“God has given us the job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace. We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God…”

[excerpts from Loving the Little Years, chapter two]

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I’ve been doing some reading from the author Rachel Jankovic, a mother of several small children, and a passionate follower of Jesus Christ. She blogs here, and here.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t read a lot of books about parenting. For one, time is a precious thing, and while I love to read, it has to rank pretty high on the “World’s Best Books” list.

But when I read some of Rachel’s writings, someone not writing in retrospect about the good ol’ days, but someone right there in the trenches, writing from being a mommy NOW, wanting to raise little children not in despair and not in my kids drive me crazy!! mode but in victory and with purpose – I listen. I want to learn more, because those mothers are rare.

And though I nearly forgot it’s Mother’s Day this weekend [don’t worry Mom, I remembered in time to send a card in the mail! :)], I’ve been thinking a lot about mothering the past few weeks.

It may have been triggered by reading some things, like Rachel’s writings, and it was also triggered one morning when I was still laying in bed…

It was early in the morning, none of the children were awake yet, and I was laying quietly, praying before the day began.

The days had been busy, maybe a little too busy, and I was being stretched pretty thin. I realized my own weakness so much, and was praying that God would help me be a good mother that day, patient and kind, a mother that glorifies the Lord.

And I suddenly heard, “It’s about relationship, Clarita. This day is made for relationship with Me. Even more than being patient and kind and fun and a “good mom”, this day is made for relationship with Me, to be with Me.”

I was startled. I’m sure there are many people who have thought of that, who live that way, but it never occurred to me that way before. My day was lived so differently, as I lived with the realization that everything that happened that day – the good, the funny, the happy, the challenging- was only to enter into deeper relationship with Jesus. And my days have been lived so differently since then, and I realize that mothering is only an overflow of the relationship I have with Jesus.

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So I was living with that for several days, when a similar thought occurred to me: that these days with my children are all about relationship too. In the good, the hard, the funny, the laughing, the discipline – it’s all about relationship. Relationship with me as a parent now, but pointing them to relationship with Jesus.

Mothering is not about running an organizational institution. It’s not about having perfect kids. It’s not about channeling my inner self to find who I really am. It’s about me being in relationship with Jesus, and then offering that relationship to my children.

Mothering is not just teaching about the Gospel of Jesus Christ; we are LIVING Gospels.

Does God freak out when there is disobedience? Does God lash out when there is a flour all over the floor? God does become angry, but about what, and how? Is God long-faced and somber all the time about all the responsibilities He has, or is He full of joy too? In all these ways that I live, a lot of times without even realizing it, I am showing our children a gospel. The question is, am I showing the True Gospel of Jesus?

I’ve been a mother for nearly six years, and I’m realizing more and more that this thing of parenting is just as much – if not more – for me than for my children. It grows me up, it refines me, it reveals the idolatry in my heart, it presses me to Jesus as never before.

This Mother’s Day, instead of my kids thanking me, I am thanking them! And thanking the Lord, most of all, for this gift of motherhood. This is the tool the Lord is using to sanctify me, not just during daylight hours, but sometimes at 2am! :) This is the way Christ is revealing Himself to me, and drawing me to His heart.

I am so grateful.

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[i hesitated to write this because i have many friends who are unmarried, or who are married with no children, and in no way do i want to insinuate that mothering is a place of greater holiness, or that they are missing out on God’s purposes because of not being given children. this is a way that God has chosen to refine me, and bring sanctification, but His ways are perfect; there is no “better” way, whether by being a mother or not. it is the walking in relationship, in faithfulness and obedience, in whatever we are given and called. my love to each of you. xo]

May 6, 2013May 6, 2013

Hudson is One!

My son – our son – had his first birthday yesterday.

// Yes, he has killer blue eyes, just like his daddy. :) //

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I don’t know HOW it is possible for a year to go by so quickly, for a little person to become so intricately interwined in our lives, for our love to grow so deeply, for our hearts to swell with love for a new little person in our family…

I tried not to cry, but I kept swallowing tears all day. I don’t want my kids to remember me as the mom who always cried on birthdays!! I mean, seriously! But I guess I am that very person. I just try to do it in private instead of in front of everyone. :)

I remember his birth, the excitement of a new baby, the thrill of a BOY, the tiny bit of ohmygoodnessit’saboy, i don’t know anything about boys!

I had thought three girls would be perfect; now, I see that, for our little family, the order of two girls and then a boy is what is perfect. So very perfect.

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I never expected that Zoe and Olivia would be so thrilled with a brother. I thought it would be the parents who would be so excited about a new baby in the family; but it’s the girls who multiply the joy.

I never expected to love a little boy so much! It’s not more than my girls, but it’s a different kind of love. I can’t really explain it, other than I am hopelessly SMITTEN with him. He completely melts me.

I didn’t expect a boiy to be so sweet, so snuggly. He’s the kind that loves to play hard and make tractor noises, but he can also give the best kisses and loves some good snuggles. ♥

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Having a son has given me a bigger vision for godly manhood than I had before. Not that I can or will do this perfectly, but by God’s grace we want to raise a son for the glory of God. Not a pansy, not a man who always takes the easy route, but a man who follows God and obeys Him and loves Him no matter what, a man who is a leader in the Kingdom of God, however God should chose to use him and place him. Leaders are not always out-front kind of men, but leaders are always influencers of other people; sometimes quietly, sometimes more strongly.

I get excited about Hudson being taught by his daddy, about being a servant-leader as his daddy so clearly lives out, about respecting the women in his life and treating them with honor, about having a heart for the weak and helpless, about rescuing the defenseless…

I don’t know the plans that the Lord has for this little man, but his father and I will do our utmost to raise him in kingdom ways, in the fear of God, and then to release him to fly. That may be scary, we just talked about that a few days ago. The “safe” men are easier to raise, easier to release. It’s the daring ones, the adventurous men, the ones willing to take risks that are more challenging – as boys, as men. But what this world needs is real men! I have seen them, I am married to one, and I am excited about the plans of God for this little one!

We had a little party for Hudson, with emphasis on the little. :) A person turning one does not understand what is happening, and much money and time spent on that particular birthday will not necessarily go down in the annuls of ‘feeling loved by mommy and daddy.’ But, there are two big sisters around here who are wildly excited about birthdays and parties, so it was more for their sakes than for Hudson’s that we spent time preparing and crafting and baking and sewing [tie shirt and ‘1’ bib]. But, in the words of Zoe, “It sure is a lot of work getting ready for a party!” :)

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The Tomkat Studio is a more recent-found favorite go-to place for party ideas and such. It was a great save for this last-minute party planner! :) Hudson was a Cinco de Mayo baby, but I wasn’t really into the whole Latin theme party, so we went with a bit of mustache and color – something that was on his birth announcements and I’ve made shirts for him with mustaches and it just seems to fit him.

We crafted paper medallions, which were ever so much fun. I was going to do a tutorial on them, and then after we were finished I realized there are many other sites with super great tutorials and pictures, here and here, for instance.

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The cake was going to be for Hudson to dive into, but for the sake of our dinner guests, we allowed him a cupcake to demolish instead. :) He loved it!

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Little Man, how we {{{ LOVE }}} you! I’m so glad I get to celebrate the gift of your life!

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April 24, 2013May 16, 2013

“is it fun bein’ a mama?”

You’d think the question would have been asked during a most wonderful day.

Maybe a day when I was dancing about the kitchen in a pretty little apron, singing a ditty while cooking food like Paula Deen.

Or maybe at a time when it was a picture-perfect moment that Norman Rockwell would have painted, like all three kiddos piled around me on the couch while reading “Little House on the Prairie.”

Or perhaps on a walk down a country lane, lined with canopy-like trees on all sides, all of us in pretty frocks and knickers, holding hands and singing, “Skip to my Lou!”

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But the question was asked at the end of a rather long day by my three-year old Olivia, after I had flown into the bathroom in great exasperation. The girls were bathing and started calling, no, screeching, for me. If there is one thing I cannot handle, it’s screeching, or screaming, or whatever you may call it. High decibals coming from small children causes high blood pressure in me.

So after calming the screeching and finishing the hair washing, Olivia asked, “Is it fun bein’ a mama?”

And, quite frankly, the question threw me off guard.

In that moment a hundred images and memories and moments went through my mind…

… The week before when all three kids caught the stomach bug, and were throwing up like geysers. Several times I was in direct line with the geyser, and boy, it was not pretty.

… The many many times when it feels like the training just isn’t sinking in, and how many times does it take before a child learns the lesson?

… The coffee spills on sofas, the bathwater all over the floor, the nail polish smeared over the bathroom, the crumbs that marry and multiply under the table.

… The early mornings when I wonder, “Are you even serious. How can you be up already!?”

… The umpteen times of hearing, “Somebody wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe me!”

… Also hearing umpteen times, “I’m huuuuuuuuungry!”

… The exhaustion at the end of a day, and falling asleep within minutes of dropping into bed

Fun? It’s not all fun. Sometimes it’s downright exhausting and can someone please just give me a hug?

But then I also remembered…

… Those sunlight images in my mind of little girls running at the speed of light, messy hair trailing behind them, wearing princess outfits and strings of pearls. All is right in their little world, and its a lumpinmythroat moment.

… Receiving an unexpected hug and a kiss on the cheek, and looking over to see a little mischievous dimpled smile. xo

… Seeing the affection between the sisters and brother, and realizing even now they are building precious relationships.

… Trying to bake or cook very very quietly in the kitchen, but within seconds there is a little blue chair perched beside me, right in front of the very cupboard door I need to get into, and a little girl who always tells me, “Whenever I hear someone in the kitchen, I ALWAYS want to come help them!” and I can’t help but laugh.

… Laying beside the girls at bedtime, and listening to the endless chatter, and “Oh mama, did you know….” and praying that we’ll always be such great friends.

… Being humbled at how God can work in the hearts of such small children, and hearing them talk about Jesus with each other. Melt me, just melt me.

… The countless times a day that I laugh at my kids, because they are just too funny and cute.

And in that brief moment, in the middle of the end of the day exhaustion and looking into the bright expectant eyes of my daughter, I found centre again. I needed that question to remind me of what really matters, of how much I really DO love this mommy-job, of how precious these moments really are, and I answered,

“You know, Lovies, it’s actually sooooo fun being a mommy.”

And in that answer my exhaustion didn’t seem so consuming, and it was a thankyouJesus moment that I get to be a mommy to these three children…

~ Clarita

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March 13, 2013March 27, 2013

Holding Tight.

There are some moments in life when your breath is taken away by the sheer beauty of it.
The little taste of heaven.
The feeling that earth is as it should be.

And there are other moments when it’s the sheer pain of life that takes your breath away.
That phone call, hearing words that make your heart pound with fear.
That bit of news that you think just can’t be true.
Most of us have had those moments.

I’ve had both.
And it’s so strange how the two can run side by side.
I don’t understand it. At all.

This week my heart has been torn for my friend,
for her precious baby girl that she will not watch grow up.
The grief of seeing her bury her dreams as well as her baby.

It’s in moments like those when it’s so perfectly clear:
We were not meant for this world.

This grief, this pain, this suffering –
this is not as it was intended to be.
We were made for another World.
A World where we ache when someone goes first, leaving us, but where we want to go too.

I’ve just been thinking about that a lot lately,
about our Real Home.
I don’t think it’s ever seemed so real, at this very moment, as it does now.
This life really is just a shadow in comparison.

Until then, it seems that I cannot love my little family too much.
I cannot get enough of my little son, who steals more of my heart every day.
I can’t hug my girls enough, or give enough of kisses on their soft cheeks.
I can’t spend enough time with my husband.

This moment. This sacred moment.
What a treasure you are.

~clarita

March 5, 2013March 27, 2013

Three Kids and a Mom {vacation}

Once upon a time, there was a girl.
Actually, a mom.
A mom and her three little kiddos.

Uh, yes, three kiddos. One didn’t make it on the picture.

And she had a friend.
A very dear friend, whom she had made so many memories with in Pennsylvania and Ohio and all across Asia.
This same friend invited her to Florida for several days.

The mom deliberated.
It sure sounded fun.
This friend is so dear indeed.
And there was a new baby girl to meet.

But it was 6 hours away. One way.
With three kids. Because it didn’t work for Husband to go.
Would it be brave or crazy?

There was much deliberation.
But then she decided:
it was waaaay too much fun to say no.

So they went.
And they picked up the mom’s sister on the way, which also added to the off-the-charts fun factor.

They stayed at a house with the friend, her friend’s mom, her friend’s mother-in-law, her friend’s sister-in-laws and baby.
It was such great times.
There was always a party.
Even for the kids.

They got to meet this adorably beautiful little girl, who has so much personality for a three-month-old person.
And the time with the baby’s mother was just so amazing.
Real friendships just are so precious.

There were a few moments of stress for the mom,
including one morning when all her kiddos awoke at 7am to a house that was planning to sleep in.

She had to send up an SOS to the Lord to calm her soul,
and help her with a vacation that was more like a superfunsuperbusytime than rest and relaxing.
Kids sort of make that change, and she wasn’t quite prepared.

But after that one morning, it was really great.

There was her grandmother to visit, Grandma Susan, as the kiddos call her, about fifteen minutes away.
[and no, I’m no towering giant. my dear grandma is not quite 5 feet. :) ]

There were oceans to visit.
Or, I suppose it was actually the Gulf.

[pre-ocean anticipation]

There was a fabulous kids’ paradise to spend the day at.
The kids and the mom were even brave enough to touch the snakes and gators.

There was an auntie who loved her nieces and nephew so very much, and was a great help to the mom.

And a mom/daughter picture that hasn’t happened for a very long time.

There were jungle trails to walk, with popcorn in hand, of course.
What else would you eat while walking a jungle trail?

And there were flamingos to feed that made the oldest daughter simply leap with excitement.

The happiness factor brought sisterly hugs to pictures with not even a hint from mom.

There was a favorite little breakfast joint to eat one morning. Er, two mornings.

And ice cream. They couldn’t forget the ice cream.
It was a daily necessity, from anywhere and everywhere.

This was probably the favorite place.

It was a pretty big WOW of their vacation.

And then, despite the attempts to lengthen the days and the desires to the kiddos to “let’s MOVE here!”
it was time to return home to their very own little cottage.

The sister’s husband came to have a romantic weekend getaway with his bride.

And the three kiddos and a mom made their way back home.
The first three hours was a dream.
It really was amazing. Sleeping children, singing children.
It was too good to be true.

At hour three, we ran into a problem:
the interstate was closed. Closed closed CLOSED.
There was a massive detour which would take hours longer.

The mother, who had been deliberating whether to call herself ‘brave’ or ‘crazy’ decided on crazy. :)

A stop at Walmart to buy movies (hey, movies are cheaper than a hotel!)
a stop at McD’s for Happy Meals (gotta keep up the morale with new toys)
and a few years, I mean tears, later,
they all arrived back home safely.

The six hours home only took nine.
Yes, nine.
She felt like a rag doll when she got home.

It was a delicious vacation, there in Florida.
It was worth every minute of that nine hour trip home alone.

But three kids and a mom [on vacation] later, they’re happy to be back home with the Daddy of the family.

And they all lived happily [ever after]……. :)

February 18, 2013March 9, 2013

Making: Saints and Pink Cupcakes

“Significance is found in giving your life away, not in selfishly trying to find personal happiness.”
[G. Thomas]

I prayed.
That God would help this Valentine’s Day to not be about me and my expectations,
where a date would have been my ideal,
but about my precious little family, my husband and children, and helping them to have the best time ever.

And you know?
It was one of the best family times we have EVER had.
Ever.

Romantic?
Well, not in the gushy sense of the word, no.

But love?
Yes, LOVE.
The enjoyment of one another, the gift of being family.

Pink Cupcake Day.

We have this tradition of cupcake baking baking on Valentine’s Day.
It started 2-3 years ago, it’s easy, and it’s so fun!
We kind of even started calling the holiday Pink Cupcake Day.

I mean, with darling matching aprons from my sister, how could it not be fun?

This is my kind of baking with kids. :)

[that little icing tube on the far left? it’s amazing. it’ll make you look like Bakerella.]

And because I know that French parents allow their children to help with adult-ish things…

… but French children probably don’t lick the batter…

Let me just interject in the middle here… that baking with children is the makings of sainthood.
And shows you how far you have to go!
I say that not mockingly, but seriously.

The day we were baking, all three of us in a little crowded space, I smiled to myself because it was a dream come true.
This day of doing fun things with my daughters, involving them in what I was doing, making memories, creating traditions…
It was just good and wonderful.

And then there is the side of reality.
Where there are umpteen “Uh-oh, Mommy!” “Oh nooo!” “Sorry, Mom!”
for the spinkles that spilled, for the mixer cord that got in the batter, for the hands that were covered in sticky mess, for the floor that was a disaster, for…..

And the challenge really is to live in the mess of reality but with the heart of the dream coming true.

It’s almost crazy how tiny little people can make you realize how much you like to control your life,
or how you want everything perfect.
It shows ugly things about yourself.
And how all they care about is whether you loved them and showed them Jesus,
not whether what you did was pinterest-worthy.

To not end the baking day in frustration because of the mEsS!!! that was created.
To not talk sharply because they weren’t being careful.
But to stay calm when it’s disaster.
To say, “It’s okay” and mean it when yet another something spills.
To be able to laugh and enjoy them, even in the middle of the mess…

It wasn’t perfect.
I wasn’t perfect.
They weren’t perfect.
But it was such a wonderful day.
And I was happily exhausted by the end of it all. :)

A very proud and messy Olivia holds the finished cupcakes.

Hudson’s job was just to look cute, which he is kinda good at. And then he had a bath in the sink while we baked.

While the cupcakes were cooling, we took a few pictures in the back yard.

And on Happy Heart Day itself, I had planned to take the kids to the Big City.
Because we live in a small town, there are perks and disadvantages.
One disadvantage is that our options are limited for activities and experiences.

The Big City is really quite a big deal.
It’s like Country Mouse meets City Mouse.
My kids do not even know what a mall is. No kidding!
We live an hour from the nearest Starbucks.
I love city.
My husband loves country. ;)

So the plans were to take the kids to THE most darling little cupcake shop ever,
then to ride a little train and some fun kid stuff AT THE MALL and head home.

Husband caught wind and thought it sounded too fun to not be involved, so we made it a family evening instead of a mom/kid day trip.

[yes, i desperately need a tan! :)]

Introducing: Gigi’s Cupcakes.

Home of the $3 over-sized cupcakes, totally worth their money. :)

Part way through the day I exclaimed to Zoe, “Isn’t this the MOST FUN DAY EVER?!”
I was having SO much fun.
And she looked at me, raised her eyebrows and said, “You’re funny.”
And it tripped me out that my own little daughter thought my excitement was a little over-the-top.
Whaaat?!

And then a trip to the carousel and little train…
(we made proper introductions: “Yes, children. This is called a mall!”)

Blurry pictures but showing the happy faces.