It’s been a past month of
New Years and
awful flu sickness and
all three sisters visiting!! and
80 degree weather the past week and
Zoe wanting to read everything in sight and
realizing there are 30 mis-matched socks in my bin with no pair and
helping a friend do her baby registry [baby fever] and
helping to plan a baby shower for said friend with other friends and
meetings at church with a missionary from Canada and
seeing a golf cart with a trailer going down the street and realizing he’s Fedex and
Hudson popping his 4th tooth and
my sister Ervina featured in this magazine
Olivia bee-bopping around as usual and counting in the 80’s and
beginning to read ‘Farmer Boy’ with Zoe and
allergies that made me so ill and
just catching up on life after having such a busy last year…
Life with three kiddos and a husband is never dull.
Adding a few extra things in there makes it full.
In a good way.
It’s a rainy windy day in the south,
so maybe that’s why my thoughts turned a bit deeper today…
Do you ever have those moments of wondering what you have to offer?
Of maybe not even feeling insecure,
but just thinking what you have to offer is not worth all that much.
I mean, there is always someone else who can
have better behaved kids
have a cleaner house
be more organized
have a better blog
be wittier and funnier
have a better marriage
say such profound things [and mine just comes out jumbled]
make such an impact on their world
have the favor of almost everyone
seem to have life so easy
never have things stuck in their teeth
who never has bad morning breath……
Okay, okay, maybe not quite the last two.
But you know what I mean?
Sometimes it seems that our lives, while special to God,
may not be something that matters to other people.
Life has thrown some hard things the past few months.
It’s still not perfect, not even easy, necessarily.
There are things like losing a dear friend that changes what the rest of my life looks like.
It changes perspective on life, it shakes up what I thought was imporant and valuable.
I realize how much of life I took for granted, expecting a tomorrow every day.
There are hard and painful things that test the foundation of my relationship with God,
and test where my security lies.
And sometimes the testing reveals things I don’t like to see.
There is the beginning of a new year, which is both exciting and sobering.
I want my life to count, not for myself, but for God and eternity,
to be who He created me to be, not just a phantom of it.
I was talking to God about some of these things,
and suddenly remembered the story of the little boy with the loaves and fishes.
It’s so neat how God spoke the Word, not just for a neat story, but to speak life forever after.
And it suddenly became alive to me…
It was a simple gift, a humble offering.
He could have withheld it, been embarrassed by his poor-boy lunch,
plus, what could it help with so many people?
But he offered it.
And that’s all that matters.
Would he have not given his little lunch,
a miracle wouldn’t have happened because of his gift.
Jesus could’ve still worked, He is not limited by us,
but the blessing would not have been given to the boy.
And so often I withhold.
Because my gift,
what I have to offer,
the little strength I have,
is just so small.
It just doesn’t seem significant enough.
Maybe I don’t just have fish and bread,
maybe I even feel like all I am is fish and bread.
It’s not a 5 course meal with Wine & Cheese & Olives,
like I wish it was.
All I have is simple bread, roasted fish.
Loaves & Fish.
What could God want with that anyway,
when there are offerings of Wine & Cheese?
Why not just let those people give when it seems like so much more?
The miracle is not in what we have to give.
It’s not in the Loaves & Fish
or in the Wine & Cheese.
It’s not in the bigness or the smallness of the offering.
The miracle is in the God who takes our simple offering and breaks it, and blesses others with it.
The miracle is that GOD is blessed with it.
Maybe He’ll take it and multiply it to one person,
maybe He’ll continue multiplying it to five thousand people,
but either way it’s so much more blessing than if we would’ve kept it for ourselves.
It’s scary sometimes, you know?
What if it still doesn’t seem significant?
What if other people make comments about it,
like, “All she’s doing is that! How can that even help or make a difference?”
I want to learn to be still, to offer even still,
and to know Jesus’ approval, know He cares about what I have to offer,
to hear Him saying to my heart,
“Bring it to me.”
Whether He takes my humble offering
and blesses one person or a hundred,
I want to learn to offer…
I think I often write after the fact,
like, “God did this” or “God came through a week ago”.
Today I write from right now.
In the middle of learning.
In the middle of a bit of scared.
Watchword for 2013: OFFER
Learn to offer my loaves and fishes.
// I love to watch my daughter learn. It thrilles me to see that she enjoys learning //
// that little green envelope? well, she kinda has a crush on her daddy. //
// little man, pre-hair-trimming. his hair only grows on the top of his head! //
// he adores his [bearded] daddy. it melts my heart //
// Kenny making a fabulous Dutch oven supper for us one night//
// a sister and her fiance’! yes, my third sister is getting married! //
// two sisters and their men and my brother came to visit us after Christmas!
we sure did miss our other sister and her husband who came to see us later.
but I was sick and didn’t get any pictures :( //
// two of my lovelies, how am I so lucky?
wearing our Sevenly shirts – ‘love the orphan’ //