Inspirational – Page 2 – Skies of Parchment

November 7, 2012August 24, 2014

To Ruth {A Tribute}

There are times when words evade me, and there are other times when writing is healing and therapeutic.
It’s been 18 days since a phone call that changed my life forever,
that my dear friend Ruth Glick Leatherman woke up in Heaven.
For her, it is joy unspeakable. For her family and those who loved her, it is an ache so deep.
This is a tribute to her, and the beautiful legacy she left us.

// photo courtesy of the Glick family //

Dear Ruth,

“O love of God! How rich and pure, how measureless and strong! It shall forevermore endure, the saints and angels song!”

This was the quote you wrote on your blog after the death of your first baby in your womb. This was the heartbeat by which you lived – to know and proclaim the love of God. This is what we remember you as, a lover of God, first of all.

It’s been a little over two weeks since I got the phone call from your sister with a choked voice, “She didn’t wake up this morning.”

I can’t even describe what went through me when I heard those words. Complete shock. Disbelief. “It can’t possibly be true!” Hoping against hope that I could just pick up the phone and talk to you and dismiss this nightmare I had just entered. Instead I began mourning from somewhere so deep inside that I didn’t even know existed. But it still seems like you can’t be gone.

How could this happen? I was just with you 2 1/2 weeks before. You ran a 10K just two weeks before. You ran a marathon last spring. I called you when Ruby was 2 or 3 weeks old and Mark answered, “She’s out running.” When I got a hold of you the next time I gave you a hard time for running far before doctor’s okay, both teasing you and yet with great admiration. You were the picture of health and determination. I am sure that even you had no idea of the mitral valve prolapse that caused your heart to stop that morning.

// brunch that Ruth hosted for my sisters, Liz, and me, just 2.5 weeks prior.
never in a million years would’ve i known this was the last time together. //

There are few people I’ve met that have been more ALIVE than you. You simply radiated life and vitality of body, and you are one of the most vivacious and fun-loving people I know. How you must have been absolutely delighted as you awoke in Heaven, and I know you are are now experiencing Life more fully than ever before. I can picture you now, head thrown back, laughing contagiously. Or speaking earnestly with wide expressive eyes as you talk with Corrie ten Boom, or scooping up little Emma, the little baby who died in your womb, and just delighting over her as you walk through Heaven. I can imagine you immersed in music, thrilling in something you deeply wanted to pursue while you were here.

What Joy you must know. And how it makes those of us left behind long to experience what you already know.
It makes Heaven seem all the more real; not a mystical idea of someday, but Real, right now.
At this very moment you are more Alive than you ever were on earth.
How homesick I am for that Real home, for that Reality that is far bigger than this earthly reality.

There are so many people who speak of you since you’re gone, how you were so alive, so passionate for God, such a great mother, a faithful loving wife, a friend who treasured the people around her, how you took meals to people, the gifts you gave, and on and on and on. And it’s true. It’s all true. Sometimes people say things to try to make the people left behind feel better, and other times people say things because they can’t help it, because of the impact someone made. And the latter is true. No, we don’t idolize you, but we remember your life and the incredible woman of God that you were, and we can’t help but talk about that. I’m in awe of what an impact one life has made on so many. Your one life.

There are reminders of you everywhere. Even though we lived nearly a thousand miles apart, you are still all over my home. In my living room grows the “friendship plant” you gave me, divided from your own plant, when I moved to Georgia six year ago. I walk in my closet, and there hangs a skirt you gave me for my birthday. In my drawer are the pajamas you gave. On my kitchen window sill sits the hand cream you made last fall. In my purse is your homemade lip balm. On my desk is the Willow Tree friendship plaque you gave before we moved away, because we were forever friends, you and I. In my cupboard is the bottle of vanilla extract, the make-it-yourself kind that you were so excited about. Hudson’s pacifiers and ribbon holders – you gave them. The tea kettle on my stove is from you and Aliza.

And then there are the matching things we had, shamelessly bought so we’d have one like each other. A skirt and pajamas that you gave and bought the same for yourself. I saw your navy and white striped shoes with the red bow and just had to buy some like it. We bought matching black trench coats at Gap years ago and still wear them. You saw my diaper bag from Pottery Barn Kids and loved it and bought one for your baby, and a matching fleece blanket from Baby Gap. And all these name-brand things we bought for a song – we loved quality but we were always hunting a bargain. We had the tradition for years of going shopping together the day after Christmas, and when I pull out my Christmas decor this year it’ll all be things I bought when with you.

I loved how we’d go to each other’s houses, and were as comfortable as family. “Do you have anything to eat?” you’d ask as you’d raid my refrigerator, and we’d both laugh. Or we’d go looking through each other’s closets and exclaim over clothing and wonder where the other bought it so that we could buy one too.

// Mark & Ruth
Esther, Isaac, Ruby //

// both pictures courtesy of Hannah Martin, sister to Ruth //

I always had a running list of things to talk about with you, and when we lived close by we’d talk non-stop when we were together. When we lived far apart we talked on the phone but our conversations were never finished – it was always “it was sooo fun to catch up, but next time we’ll talk more!” And I find myself, almost daily, thinking of things I still want to tell you.

You were the friend that called and left the best, longest voice mails.
Even my husband would know it was you calling because
1) the voice mails were so long, and 2) I’d always laugh when I’d listen to them.

I remember when we first met, I was 14 and you were 15. I thought you were so fun and popular and life-of-the-party and thought it impossible to ever be friends with someone so cool. You and Bek still ribbed me years later about that bright pink dress with the puffed sleeves that I wore that first Sunday to visit your church, and we would just howl with laughter. You were the one with the infectious laugh, and if people didn’t know what you were laughing about they’d feel like they were missing out. That’s the kind of person you were. You were the friend that knew me better than anyone else outside of my family, and somehow, you still liked me.

// in the beginning. goodness, how time has changed us! :) //

My growing up years have you all over them. Some hard times, but mostly good times, and the good times made better for working through the hard. You became like a sister to me, and you knew as much about my family as my family did. J The old Bronco you used to drive, the beautiful farm where you grew up, my parents’ house – so many precious memories are there. We laughed until we cried many times. We taught Sunday School together to a little kids’ class and you were the one with the great ideas and I was the one that said, “Oh yeah! That’s awesome!” and I’d just help.

We talked about our futures together, and wondered who in the world we’d marry,
and we prayed together about that.
You went to Russia for a year and I missed you terribly.

We met wonderful godly men and fell in love. We were passionate about God and purity and making the right decision in marriage, and were jealous over each other. We were in each other’s weddings and rejoiced in the other’s love, and stood by each other in the marriage we made until ‘death do us part.’ We talked about hard times in our marriages and felt for each other, but always always pressed each other to Jesus, and to our spouse. It was never just about us; it was about the forever covenant we made to our marriages and about helping each other stand strong in that commitment. And not just honoring the covenant, but about making our marriages the best that they could be. We weren’t satisfied with just mediocre; we wanted the fullest measure we could give them.

// my wedding //

// part of the small group we were in together
me, Ruth, Bek, Aliza //

// one of the best summers ever, involving lots of time together.
we both lived in Pennsylvania at the same time for a year after we were married. //

You called me one day with tears in your voice and told me you lost the baby you were carrying, and I cried with you. And then we carried three babies full term, pregnant together all three times, and loved to talk pregnancy and aches and pains and thrills of new life forming. We talked of our precious children and swapped stories and laughed at each other’s kids and asked advice and treasured the days when our children were old enough to play together. We hoped our children would become good friends too, the way we were, and we thought there was a good chance because you and I were going to be little old ladies together, loving God and life and being crazy together.

You were such a fun mom, and you so adored your children. And you were so intentional about being a mother. You weren’t satisfied to simply raise children – you wanted to raise children who feared the Lord, who were taught of Jesus, who learned to love the Savior that you did. You didn’t want behavior modification; you wanted their hearts to experience Christ. And so you taught them about Jesus.

Since you’re gone I once helped tuck your precious kids in bed and I listened to them sing the songs you taught them. Esther said, “I know a song! I want to sing it by myself!” And the evening of the calling hours she sang this song, “Savior, You can move the mountains… My God is mighty to save… Forever, Author of Salvation…He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave…” They know, Ruth. They know you loved them. They know that Jesus loves them. They know that God is a Big God. You and Mark taught them.

// pregnant with our oldest children, due within two weeks of each other //

// Shelly Nissley, Ruth, and myself. We’ve been pregnant together three times. //

You pressed me to God in beautiful ways. We could talk about anything under the sun, vent to each other when we needed to, cry about hard things in our lives, laugh about inside jokes, and every single time I’d come away I was inspired to more of Jesus. We told each other we’d pray for each other, and we did. Our talks could be fun or serious, but they would always press to Jesus whether in words or simply the spirit of your life. You were so hungry for God, always wanting more of Jesus, and that was our deepest bond. That was the foundation of who you were.

But suddenly, you’re gone. And what I feel is a strange combination of trust and agony. Agony because I do not know how to do life without you here. How can life ever be sweet again? How can it hurt so badly that you’re not here? Sometimes the tears fall like rain. Sometimes it seems the tears can’t be found. But the ache is always there. It hurts so deeply because what we had was so so precious. And I’m not even your husband, your children, your sisters and brothers and mom and dad… I’m just a friend, one of many of your friends, and it hurts so much. I can’t even imagine what they must feel, how much they must miss you.

And yet I do not doubt God’s ways, and I believe with all my heart that He makes no mistakes. I don’t understand at all, but I do trust. I believe that He IS Big Enough to care for your husband and your precious precious children even with you gone, even though it breaks my heart that you’re not in their home anymore. It is because of Him that we enjoyed such a close, precious friendship for so many years. Without Jesus those friendships and relationships don’t happen. It is to Him that you surrendered your life many years ago, and the fruit you bore was of the rarest beauty.

It was the Jesus in you that impacted so many people, and often without you trying or even realizing how impacting it was. It was the Jesus in you that gave you such a great attitude about life and other people, and rarely can I remember you down in the dumps. It was the Jesus in you that loved so well – loved your Mark, your three beautiful children, your sisters and brothers and parents and family, your friends, the people you met. It was the Jesus in you that gave you such a soft heart toward the things of God, that instilled in your children the love of God.

And it is to Jesus that we owe the assurance – not just the hope, but assurance – that this is only the Beginning for you. For us, as your sister Liz said, our time remaining is only a dot in the line of eternity. Yes, we hurt, we hurt terribly. But in light of eternity we will be with you soon. And this is not the end for us, although it sure can feel that way some days. Somehow you still live on, in your husband and beautiful children, in your beautiful sisters and family, even in the friendship you formed. We are better people, I am a better person, for knowing you.

Late in July of this year you wrote, “Pondering the thought that we are not made for this world of heart ache and pain.
It’s one of those moments when I wonder how long must we wait for the return of our Savior?”

And I know again that you are so happy, you are in a world that knows no heart ache, no pain.
You didn’t need to wait long, dear Ruth.

You gave me the words of this song after I lost my grandfather and aunt within a short time, and tears rose when I found them again now:

Homesick

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times. And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you.
But the reason why I’m broken the reason why I cry. Is how long must I wait to be with you.
I close my eyes and I see your face. If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place.
Lord won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow. I’ve never been more homesick than now.
Help me Lord because I don’t understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know.
But even if You showed me the hurt would be the same. Because Im still here so far away from home.
In Christ there are no goodbyes. In Christ there is no end. So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have. To see you again.

Words and Music by: Bart Millard
Sung by: MercyMe

And it’s not goodbye. It’s just a see-you-later. Because this isn’t the end.
This is only the Beginning.

All my love,
clarita

p.s. I hope our houses are next door in Heaven. We’ll have so much to catch up on.

// my sister Claudia and Ruth this summer.
they are so much alike, and being with these two at the same time was unforgettable. //

// pregnant with our 3rd babies. you at 40 weeks, me at 20 //

// forever friends //

edited to add:

Besides prayers and intercession for the precious Leatherman and Glick families,
which are invaluable in themselves,
this is another way you are able to help:

Calvary Monument Bible Church, and Marks employer , Earl R Martin, Inc.
have created a fund for the Leatherman family
so that Mark is able spend more time with his children, which is his great concern.

Please direct your tax deductible gifts of love to

Calvary Monument Bible Church
1660 Mine Road
Paradise, PA 17562

Please earmark ‘Leatherman Family Fund’

January 12, 2012March 20, 2013

Twenty-Twelve and Little Red Coats

TWENTY-TWELVE

So it’s a new year, and a new start each day.
Last year my goals changed drastically from “to-do’s” to “to-be’s”.
This year it’s a lot the same.
Not projects to complete and activities to check off but more on a personal level,
where it’s between me and God.

Goals are great, I fully agree.
It’s just that for so many years I got hung up on the goals instead of The Goal,
and I don’t want that to be a pattern of my life.

So I still have them in my head, they have not yet reached paper.
Some are personal, some pertain to my marriage and things I want to BE,
some are practical and relational as I interact with my little family,
some have to do with time management…

Several years ago I realized that not nearly all of my New Years Resolutions were happening,
and it was due largely to expecting other people to do things a particular way to enable their completion.
Enter frustration and conflict, because of expectations that should never have been placed on other people.
Expectations they were not even aware I had put upon them!

That is why I’m changing from To-Do to To-Be.
Some people may need to do the opposite, but this is what is right between God and me.

So much of life is like that, isn’t it?
Yes, there are very clear rights and wrongs in some things,
but in others, it has to be a communication between God and you.
What works for someone else won’t work for you.
What God leads you to do in a certain thing isn’t what He tells everyone else to do.
It’s simply an attitude of listening to Jesus Christ, of being content in relationship with Him,
to where I don’t feel threatened by all the other wonderful things other people are doing.

To be sensitive to His Spirit… to the quiet Voice that says,
“Okay, close the computer. Spend some time reading…”
Or “take _________ a meal, she’s exhausted today.”
“Your child needs some time with you, try a walk outside.”
“Write a note and drop it in the mailbox.”
“Take some time to prepare for your husband coming home, some makeup and perfume.”
Or sometimes it may mean, “Write that blog post…”

It can be so many different things, and I don’t know what it’ll mean for me each day.
I won’t live it perfectly, but by His Grace I want to live near Him, in Him, and He in me.
Drawing all security and all sense of belonging from Him, no where else.
I think this is a life-long learning, ,
of learning to walk with Jesus, hearing His voice, and obeying.

I’m excited about Twenty-Twelve!
For us it includes:
~ a sister wedding
~ a baby arriving
~ a second sister wedding
~ a brother-in-law wedding
[as the biggest things]

and other lovely things will be:
– a sister moving to the south because of her marriage [yay!!]
– snuggling and loving on Little Love when he/she arrives
– trips to the ocean
– My Faire Lady fun projects
– lots of extended family time
– the daily wonder of Jesus!

[ Little Red Coats while in Colorado]
[i bought the smallest coat on clearance at the children’s place for around $10 when zoe was just little,
and she wore it until her little arms poked out of the sleeves much too far. :)
THEN i found another size at a consignment shop for just a bit more than i paid for the first one,
and this winter they could wear matching ones! i was so thrilled.
dressing my kids is way too fun. especially when it’s cheap. :)]

November in Colorado 055 November in Colorado 060
November in Colorado 054 November in Colorado 104

November in Colorado 043 November in Colorado 083

November in Colorado 093

November in Colorado 096 November in Colorado 087 November in Colorado 098

November in Colorado 066

November in Colorado 109
November in Colorado 110 November in Colorado 068
November in Colorado 122

November in Colorado 162 November in Colorado 176

Be blessed by and filled with Jesus today!
~clarita

November 23, 2011March 7, 2013

From the Foot of the Rockies

Um, hi! It sure feels funny? strange? hands-behind-my-back-saying-a-shy-hello? coming back after almost two months away, hardly even popping my head in to say hello between now and then. This internet “fast” of sorts was not intentional really, but no internet in our apartment has definitely made it a reality. :) I must say, for the most part, it’s been a lovely refreshing time. I’ve taken the kids to McDonald’s once a week or so and I check my email and messages while they scamper around the play area, but other than that, I have no idea what’s going on in the online world. :) But in another month or so, I will be happy to be more of a regular (which for me is not “regular”) again!

Several people have asked if I could do an update on our lives in the West… A few details, some pictures, just so they know a little bit of what’s going on. Soooo, when I’m not even eight weeks full of exciting life adventures I can be long-winded. Now when I feel full and overflowing, this could be a real challenge to keep it concise and not miles long! I’m not sure I’ll even promise to try. :)

// Olivia and Zoe at Estes Park, Colorado. Early October. //

Just as a bit of background, the beginning of October our little family packed up, loaded up, left south Georgia and drove over 1600 miles in three days, over 27 hours of driving time, two motels, with two kids 4 & under, and arrived at our destination in lovely northern Colorado.

Whew. If that makes you tired reading that, well, just imagine being the mother of those two little ones outside and one inside, actually living that out. :) The trip went exceptionally well, and I had even forgotten to buy a DVD player for the kids. We sang and read until we were almost hoarse, and sang silly songs the top of our lungs until the father in the front seat drastically raised his eyebrows.

We loved seeing the changing season as we drove. Zoe came up with this sweet poetic line that I just loved~ she must never have seen brightly colored leaves on trees before, because she said, “The red trees are sooo beautiful! They look like dancing twirling girls!”

Our reason for the journey was Ellerslie. It is a short-term Bible Training school begun by Eric & Leslie Ludy. Quite a few people know them as the authors of When God Writes Your Love Story but they have authored over a dozen books altogether, and then Ellerslie was birthed in the summer of 2010.

Attending the school was a dream of ours, yet we thought it impossible for a while. It is no small feat for a young family to pack up and leave for almost three months. Unlike being single and just easily leaving Mom & Dad’s house, this required months of planning and preparation, and ultimately, the hand of God working in amazing ways to enable all the details to come together.

// Zoe also started school in Colorado.
I can’t say we’ve been very faithful, but she has absolutely loved it! //

// Chloe Barkman, the coloring book you gave Zoe is the most adorable I’ve ever seen! //

// Cold mornings make tea drinkers out of us all //

It still feels like a dream to actually be here. Ben was the one that signed up for classes, and we rented a small furnished apartment nearby where I could stay with the girls while he was at school. After about a week of being here, one of the girls who graduated from a year of Ellerslie offered to babysit the girls every morning if I’d like to attend classes with Ben. Would I?!? It was more than a dream come true, because I never expected to be in class, although I privately cried big tears of longing.

So that has changed the face of us being here, drastically. No longer did I have long days at the apartment, wondering what I’d fill my time with for 9 weeks. Instead, we’ve all been getting up early, and try to be out the door by 8am Monday-Friday. Ben and I are in class until noon, then I bring the girls home for lunch and naps, myself often resting or reading (no internet, remember? it’s amazing how many books can get read!), and attending 1-2 afternoon classes with kids in tow. We pick Ben up from school around 3:30, eat dinner at the apartment, and then often head back to the school for the evening activity/session. Just to give you an idea of a typical day.

// Husband was beyond thrilled as we came upon several massive elk in Estes Park //

// Lily Lake, Colorado //

It’s a busy season of life. The early mornings have been a challenge because I was still quite sick with the pregnancy until about two weeks ago, plus had an awful reaction to antibiotics I was put on which made me so sick I thought my end was near, or my baby’s end was near. It was a rough two weeks of recovering just from the antiobiotic reaction. Thankfully, that is all past, and I now am feeling wonderfully healthy and actually have energy again! The second trimester definitely has been better than the first. :)

And the busyness… With a family, this is a schedule that could not be had for long periods of time. But for this small select season, knowing this opportunity is so rare and treasured, it has been wonderful.

// Olivia at our “Monkey House”, ~~affectionately~~ wryly named after the gigantic gorilla found in a closet. he was drug into the living room for a few days, but i have not allowed him to stay. not my idea of restful decor. //

It’s very special too, because I have always wanted to go to college and God never allowed those doors to open. I pushed hard, but the lock was fast for many years. Now, it’s rather humorous, because I never would have expected to be a mother of two children, pregnant with my third, and be going to classes! But it really feels like such a gift, and now I get to go to a Bible Training center with my husband, as well as live in beautiful Colorado for three months!

This time of focusing on Jesus Christ, and having so much concentrated study has been precious. Anyone that is a mother of young children knows how much pouring out of self that requires, which is a wonderful and yet exhausting part of mothering. So often my longing for time just with Jesus far exceeds the time I actually can spend with Him. These weeks out here have been so special, and although this isn’t the schedule that life will be after we leave here, this is a treasured, treasured time, and I’m soaking in all that I can!

It is a stretching, challenging, soul-searching time. Learning to know Jesus more fully requires a stripping away of everything that we are, until He is the only One that can fill us. It’s been good, SO GOOD, but the true good only comes when we intentionally move out of the way and allow God Himself to have His way with us. That is sometimes painful, sometimes with tears and struggle, but good, so so good…

And Colorado, beautiful Colorado. We are about 40 miles east of the Rockies, and can see them from where we live. We drive straight toward them on our way to school, and I never tire of looking at them. It seems they are different every morning. And I have yet to get a good picture.

The altitude has been something for us to get used to! Going from hardly above sea level in the deep south to almost 5000 feet above is no small change! A few days after we got here I attempted to take the girls on a walk in the stroller. The combination of being so sick with my pregnancy and hardly exercising for a period of time, plus the high altitude, plus a very. flat. tire. in the stroller made me huff and puff like I never before remembered doing! Embarassing! So a few days later I went out by my lonesome and was able to actually run for quite a while before tiring, and felt that I had perhaps redeemed that earlier walk. :) Although you must remember for “running for a while” is relative. I shan’t give details.

// Olivia asleep in the car seat after running outside most of the day //

Just several weeks after arriving, and still in October, a most lovely winter storm came through and dumped a glorious eight inches onto our little town. Zoe and I thought we died and went to heaven. :)

It was especially neat for Zoe and me because last winter she heard about all the snow that the northern states were getting, and was just tragically sad that our almost-Florida state never even gets flurries. So she declared one day that she was going to pray that we’d live in a place that gets snow. I thought it a sweet, although impossible, prayer from my precious daughter. But what do you know, but a year later we are [temporarily] living in a place that got eight inches of snow not only once, but TWICE, so far, along with another dusting.

So, please indulge me as (drumroll please) I share a bit of answered prayers of a child.

// the neighbors ran out with a sled for us to borrow, after [apparently] watching us attempt [and fail] to sled with a cookie sheet //

// the apartments where we are living. we’re on a second story //

// eating snow is the most fun ever //

And, truth be told, our entire family went and played in the snow. Because, how could we possibly miss out on the fun of a four-year old who thinks snow is God’s smile in physical form? And, truth be told, I quite think the same. :)

// hoar frost, just breathtaking beauty //

One of the wonderful things about being here is that every Tuesday is Kiddo Night. By interpretation, that also means that every Tuesday night – once a week!! – Ben and I get a date night! We are going to be so spoiled out here, no joke. And not just is it a date, which in itself is wonderful, but within 15 minutes there are endless options to choose from for inexpensive but wonderful dates. Scores of coffee shops, including Starbucks, Panera Bread, other one of a kind shops, as well as scores of frozen yogurt and ice cream shops, as well as……. let me just say, we are LOVING it!!

// not on a date night, but a rare picture of just the two of us //

We’ve done just a few little crafty things, the girls and I. Just a few, because time is short, but both Zoe and I love doing projects together so much that we pulled a few little things together and used what we had.

// inspired by my sister Claudia, and by a student at Ellerslie, a personalized journal. stickers, magazine cut-outs, a quote, a glue stick and mod-podge. jenny k, recognize that ever-so-lovely sticker? :) //

// i love this quote //

// zoe was so excited about this project, and dug out a magazine [thanks, Shelly! :)] and did her sketch pad cover //

The girls have made a fast friend, another little girl also babysat at the same time weekday mornings.

And as if life at Ellerslie and Colorado is not exciting enough, two of my sisters added over-the-top excitement by coming to see us for a few days. Truly, I feel as if I have THE best sisters in the entire world. I have no idea why or how I’m so very blessed, but I love them so much it hurts.

// oldest, youngest, and third-born. they make me want to have four girls in a row so my daughters can experience what i do!//

// Ervina was a radiant newly-engaged, so one afternoon was spent at various bridal shoppes //

// next spring and summer should be quite exciting – my other sister [not pictured] is since engaged to be married is March, Baby Yoder is due to arrive in April, my other sister’s wedding in June, and Ben’s brother’s wedding in June as well! I think we’ll move north for all the excitement. ha! //

My girls absolutely love their aunties, and Zoe just sobbed and sobbed when I drove away with them to take them back to the airport.

// they make us so happy. //

And the baby on the way, oh yes, the Yoder Baby! He is alive and growing. And thus making me grow as well. He must have quite an active personality, because I felt him move for the first time a little shy of 16 weeks, which is the earliest I’ve ever felt a baby in my womb. [And no, we don’t know if he is a “he,” but Zoe is sure she has a little brother on the way…]

My sisters took a few pregnancy pictures while they were here, but showing them almost make me blush, because I feel like I’ve so suddenly popped and look quite pregnant. People that saw me two months ago? Well, two months makes a big difference. :)

// downtown Windsor, kiddos window shopping in the background //

// and to continue with my sister Ervina’s lovely idea of a fruit for a visual, the baby is a bit bigger than this but it was the closest thing I had to use impromptu //

// and the two people who fell in love and married six years ago are still in love //

Thanks for sticking with me, if you read this far! :)

And a huge thanks to those of you who have been praying for us and our time out here. That really means so much to us, and we are so grateful for that!

A huge thanks to for those ever-so-sweet cards and notes and even packages!! Let me tell you, it is fun to be remembered at home on your birthday, but to be remembered so far away, even when my birthday is a few days off, is so special! It’s my last year in my twenties… I shall enjoy it to the fullest! :)

A lovely Thanksgiving to each of you! And may Jesus be honored and worshipped not just as the Giver of all good things, but as the Giver of Life, true life, eternal life even in the here and now!

~ clarita

p.s. My little Mary Kay business will be joining the sales of the Thanksgiving weekend, and Friday through Monday (25th-28th) 20% will be taken off your final purchase at www.marykay.com/claritayoder, as well as free shipping to your home.

July 25, 2011March 7, 2013

A Day Off!

Friday night at dinner, Ben surprised me [greatly] by saying he wants to give me the day off on Saturday.
A very stunned wife stared at him in amazement, because a day off —-?
Exactly what is a day off? It seems I can’t remember.

I’ve only had one other such day since beginning my career as a mother. Without any appointments or schedules or places that I had to go. Exactly what does one even do on a day off?

My kind husband continued on… “I think you’ve been really tired lately. Maybe a little burned out? I know I’ve been working Saturdays and some evenings, so you’ve been doing double duty. And I’d like to give you Saturday off… Would you like that?”

A slow smile crept across my astonished face. Would I like that??
WOULD I LIKE THAT?!
Oh, indeed, kind sir, I would LOVE that, in fact.

My Type A personality wished I would have had a week to plan!
What does one do on a day off?
Where does one go?
What stores would I go to, without two kiddos in tow?
Where would I park with my journal and Bible and books?
What books should I read?

My tired-mommy mind, on the other hand, wasn’t about to plead for the following weekend instead of the the following day. What kind of woman would EVER refuse such a generous offer?! A day off looked like a breath of fresh air!

A few quick idea were jotted down, possible places to go, since I knew going out of town was definitely in the plans. We have no coffee shop in town, or bookstore/cafe, or anything remotely charming for such an occasion. McDonalds just wasn’t going to work. Or any of the many fast-food options we do have in town.

Saturday morning dawned…. We had already been planning to host people for lunch on Sunday, so I did spend the forenoon doing some food prep. That was okay. I was getting all afternoon and evening off, and that in itself was enough to make even the food prep exciting. :)

While I was making dessert and other meal plans, Ben took Olivia out on her first date. It was beyond precious. It was really for her birthday, two months ago, but it was her first date ever.

I have to insert here, that when I birthed Zoe, one of my very first thoughts upon knowing we had a little girl, was the excitement that she could go on a date with her daddy. I don’t know why that was one of my first thoughts, in the midst of birth excitement and feelings of physical pain beyond what I expected. But I was so excited about my little girl going on a date with her daddy.

Fast forward several more years, and it’s my second daughter now going on dates. To the donut shop. I should have sent the camera along with him, but knowing my husband, that would not have added to his time there. :) So I took a few pictures of them before they left.

They just melted me. A daddy and his little girl have got to be one of the most precious and tender things in this world.

Another little girl was also melted. As in “melt-down” though, at not being included in this one-on-one date. I tried to think of something to console her with, so Zoe and I made a paper chain, to count down the days until HER birthday, which at that point was less than a week away. Thoughts of birthdays made all tears flee at rapid speeds, and a happy three-year-old was chattering away as I mixed cream cheese with sugar and patted herbed hamburger steak into big pans.

And then – it was dress up time for me! Strappy sandals, flower brooch, sheer scarf, a touch of make up… and after kissing Husband and a million thanks, and after hugging wailing little girls who didn’t like the idea of their mother going away without them [how dare she!], I drove off.

A phone call to my grandmother to wish her a happy birthday as she nears 80 years old, a call to the florist shop to deliver flowers to her door, a chat with my own dear mother, and even some moments of utmost quietness made up my one-hour drive to my destination.

A few stops at various stores, just because I could. A music store, to buy a copy of beautiful new piano music, a craft store to buy a few supplies for a party coming later this week, a few clothing store faves…. just to check their sale racks, of course. :) Nope, just because I could. And finding a few new cutesy things that good prices. I did try to be a good girl… :)

I do adore the feminine style that can be found so readily these days. Designers sure are creative when it comes to styles and fashion. I love the ruffles, the lace, the flowers, the skirts and dresses… It seems the last few seasons I keep thinking styles can’t get any more darling, and they DO! They sure know how to tempt people trying very hard to stay within the budget…

But the majority of my time was spent at a little table in the cafe corner of Barnes & Noble.
My heavy bag containing my journal and Bible was taken off my weary shoulder,
and I had a date with my Daddy.
More than anything, solitude and quietness refresh my soul.
As much as I adore my husband and little girls, time spent solo is what my soul craves for restoration and rejuvenation.

A quiche from the cafe, as well as a [venti] Caramel White Mocha, added the perfect touch.
Oh, and One Thousand Gifts.
Pages in my journal were scrawled, pages in books turned.

If I could have openly wept in that little corner of B & N, I would have. Truth be told, I didn’t feel like causing a scene. But my eyes were constantly filling with tears as I sat there… reading… writing… thinking… thanking. My heart really needed to be refreshed… encouraged.

That week I had been feeling so weary, and yes, a little discouraged.
Am I doing this mommy thing okay?
I feel like I mess up so often…
Will my children need counseling when they grow up?
Could someone please walk beside me and just tell me I’m going to make it?
How can I have enough of energy for everything that I’m supposed to do?
How can I reach around and love everyone well?

I had been longing for mentors, in flesh and blood.
God gave me mentors that day, but in the form of written words.

There were two mentors “present” with me, other than God.
One was an article from John Piper’s website [found on Janelle’s blog – thank you!!] that I had printed and brought along with me. Here are a few paragraphs from a powerful post…

“Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing…

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children….Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?…

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work…”

[Rachel Jankovic]

I read and re-read those words, finding strength and deep encouragement in them. I was so challenged and convicted and encouraged all at once.
The whole article can be found here.

And I read the first three chapters of Ann Voskamp’s beautiful words. Through tears. She is an anointed writer, who reaches deep into the hearts of readers with her words. Now I know why people read and re-read this book. I would have sat all night and finished at one time, had I had no time limit.

The last few years I’ve felt and known my need of God more than any other time of my life.

When I was single, I thought I was a fairly sanctified person. Sure, there were areas I knew that needed God to desperately work in them, but it felt like I was on the road to being a person with less and less flaws. [doesn’t that sound awful!? i’m embarrassed to admit it!]

After I got married, my weaknesses suddenly flared up wildly. You mean I had disagreements with my husband? You mean I had a hard time admitting I was wrong? You mean I had a hard time surrendering to an unknown life? Yes, all of the above. And I suddenly felt very much in need of God.

And then there were children…. and my weaknesses and faults and blind spots seem to glare at me daily. How can little people of such short years and short stature show up my sinfulness so drastically? How is it that I feel like a perfect heathen some days? Never have I realized my own shortcomings, not only in myself and how I relate to my family, but in how I relate to other people, and my faults in relationships and how badly I mess up.

But there is grace. Sweet grace.

And in those few short hours, I took hold of His grace yet again.

I walked away feeling like a new woman, with a fresh sense of hope. A renewed sense of purpose. A taking hold of Truth once more, a desire to live our of fresh conviction and courage and love and life and purpose….

Such days are rare, quiet rare. And I cannot live my life waiting for such glorious moments of quiet. For long time of no interruption.

But God will continue to meet in the midst of the busy moments, in the middle of pitter-patters of feet and chatter of baby voices. He is always near.

And thank you, dear husband, for the my soul refreshment…
I am a better wife and mother because of it. :)

~clarita

October 28, 2010March 20, 2013

Brewing: Beauty Thoughts and Project Irreversable

Since My Faire Lady and her two festivals are now over [we did a second with a bit more success than the first – yay!], I have a million projects running through my mind for my house. Okay, so not a million. That sounds juvenile. :)

But a lot. As in, I lie in bed at night, before I sleep, there visions of interior design projects that run through my mind. I would love to be an interior designer. At least, that’s what I think from this side. But I’ve never had any formal training other than what I read and observe on my own. So perhaps it’s not as glamorous on the other side as what it seems to be, because I’ve heard interior design is hard work. But I just think it would be so fun to go into someone’s home and beautify it for them.

The thing of finding beauty has been something God has been teaching me, especially the past four years. My years before that were spent in a geographically gorgeous area; the past four years are really not what one would call gardens of any kind. Sure, there are pockets of geographically beautiful land scattered here and there, but one has to look for it. This subject was just brought up to me again within the past few weeks with a few friends and sisters, the subject of finding beauty.

I’ve grown up with an appreciation for beauty – whether it’s architecture [my father is a real estate agent, and as a child I remember driving around dramatic neighborhoods admiring the roof pitch, the color scheme chosen, the angles, the details], landscape, wardrobe/accessories, interior design, floral design… And it seemed that I was simply immersed in beauty for much of my life. I have an uncle who is a phenomenal artist who resides in New York City, I have relatives who are so incredibly gifted in creating beautiful atmospheres and homes and dinners…

Four years ago, when my husband and I moved 800 miles south, I wasn’t prepared for the geographical difference. Where is the beauty?? I would moan to myself. And sometimes I still long for the four dramatic seasons, for an autumn where there is a glorious changing of color, where there is crisp weather for hay rides and barn parties as in my youth. Somehow the 90′ weather of today doesn’t seem too much like autumn. And I really don’t want to run the air conditioner on Christmas day. I really really don’t.

And yet, God is showing me that there is beauty to be found. Granted, it must be searched for. And no, it wouldn’t win world awards or anything like that. Down by the islands, yes indeed.

But even more than that, I often think of the quote by Amy Carmichael, who said,

“In acceptance lieth peace.”

It is true, that as long as we are fighting the place that God has put us in, we will not see the beauty. But in the acceptance of His will, there is rest of heart and soul, and there are new eyes to see beauty around us. There is something about that soul peace, that quietness and rest within the depths of who we are, knowing that we are right with God and that we are surrendered to Him.

And also, in the seeking of God Himself, it seems that there are windows and doors that open within us and rivers that flow out of our very soul – expressing His beauty within our lives, and in the way we live our lives. I think this looks different in every person. For some, it’s pursuing dreams, for others, it could be as varied [but not limited to] as: teaching, MOPS groups, photography, orphan ministry, leading women’s ministry groups, interior design, culinary skills, a heart that always seems to notice when someone needs help and knowing how to practically meet that need, people that care well for others, inner city missions and ministries, children’s clubs and ministries, moms meeting together to pray for their public high school children, people who speak words of encouragement… There is an endless list, really. But it seems that is all flows out of a heart who is surrendered and at peace with God. It flows – it is not forced, and it brings blessing… It springs from a heart who is first seeking God; not seeking to be great at any of the above mentioned [and not mentioned] things.

All that to say, I am realizing that as I come to deeper places of surrender with God, that He places a fuller dimension of Himself within me. And it will always continue to be so – there will always be more places of surrender, and until Heaven, I will not experience and know Him perfectly. I wish, but I won’t. That’s one of the many things to look forward to about Heaven!

I think the giftings within us tend to simply flow out of us the more we learn to know God more. I loved this quote by A. W. Tozer that I read the other morning, speaking of that issue:

“Our gifts and talents should be recognized for what they are,
God’s loan to us,
and should never be considered in any sense our own.”
We have no more right to claim credit for special abilities
than for blue eyes and strong muscles.”

I LOVED this quote. Because there are soooo many varied giftings within every person. No two are exactly alike; not one is better than another. But they are all loans from God, to showcase Himself to the people and the world around us. That means EVERYONE has something to offer, no matter what the gifts. If they are from God, they are unique, they are of incredible worth, and they are given for a purpose of showcasing God. Not for any personal credit or discredit.

Those are just a few of my thoughts today…

———————————————————————————————-

And a project…

My husband called me on his way home yesterday…

I said, Um, I was working on a project today.
He said, Okay, what was it?
I said, Uhh, it’s a secret.
He said, Oh really? So what is it?
I said, It’s a secret. But I really hope you like it, because this is irreversible.
He said, Irreversible, huh? So did you paint the piano? Tear out drywall? Paint the ceiling?
I said, Oh no no no, nothing that drastic. But still, rather hard to undo.
He was nervous.

I’m telling you. This husband of mine is a brave one. And he’s really good about letting me act upon my ideas. Even though sometimes he won’t tell me for years later that he really didn’t like that curtain the hallway, and I wonder why he didn’t tell me because it really wasn’t a big deal!

This was my brewing Project Irreversible:

My music tree. I’ve been dreaming of it for months. I needed something beside my mantel and behind the baby grand. And I wanted a tree.

But not a wallwords tree, not a fabric tree, not a painted tree. I wanted something unique. And because this is the music room, and because I dreamt of majoring in music once upon a time…

A very sweet friend sent me a beautifully ancient book of antiqued brown sheet music, and I bought a few more music books off of ebay for a few dollars, thus varying the page shades.

A MUSIC TREE.

[I do think I need to move that center bird cage… It hides her too much. And I need to move the paper balls. Leftovers from My Faire Lady that I don’t know what to do with.]

Now that she’s up, I’m not sure I’m quite as in love with her as I thought. [I call the tree a “she” because she is too delicate and fine to be called an “it”].

I’m rather afraid she looks like a giant spider spread across the wall behind my baby grand in the music room. Does she??

She sure was fun to make though. It only look me about two hours.

But like I told Husband, It’s irreversible. She GLUED to the wall. Taking her off would be a bit difficult.

I do like her. But I know what she is, a musical tree. I just really hope is that a spider on the wall doesn’t pop into people’s minds when they see her.

And directly opposite of her, above the desk is this…

Husband thinks it’s a slightly an overkill on the whole music idea. Too much of a good thing is too much, that reasoning? He is probably right. But he is very willing to bear with his impulsive wife. :)

This wall is just little strips of tape holding these sheets up. I rather like them. As for the desk underneath it, well, that best remains hidden at this point. Too much stuff to clear off of it for a picture. :)

And another little project yesterday: a halter-style kitchen apron. For sale on My Faire Lady on facebook. :)