Beautiful Life – Page 13 – Skies of Parchment

December 14, 2012November 5, 2013

On Turning 30

It’s funny, not ha-ha funny, but weird funny, how you can turn a particular number and you feel waaaay too little for that big number.

Or how you thought of that number in a particular way,
like “mature”, “middle-aged”, “do they even have fun anymore??”,
and suddenly you’re there yourself and you wonder why you had all those preconceived ideas! :)

And just as suddenly, the age that used to seem so old and grey-haired now seems quite young indeed!

Yesterday I was at the post office and I said something about my three kids.
The post woman couldn’t believe I had three kids: “You look like a little teenager!”
Well, you ladies know that nothing stokes your ego more than being told you look younger,
so I warmly accepted the compliment and thought I better not become too proud about that one.
One minute later I was driving out of the parking lot in my big white suburban
and bumped and thumped all up over the curb with people watching!!
Wow, she may have thought I look young but I sure drive like a teeny-bopper too!!

It’s given me just a bit of identity crisis to reach the [ripe old] age of 30!
I still feel far younger, low 20’s at the most.
And the older I grow the more I realize that I don’t know,
the more I see areas that I have to grow in,
the less I feel the need to defend myself because yes, I know I’m far from perfect.

But a decade ago (wow, that makes me sound old), okay, several years ago,
I thought life was good.
There was an innocence,
a carefree-ness about life,
a looking at the world through starry eyes,
wondering what all wonderful dreams would come true.
[and I was a big dreamer].

I wanted to be single until I was 30,
traversing the globe with mercy missions,
being a nurse, translator, rescuing the helpless.

Or maybe I would pursue music and the arts,
singing on a stage (ha, I have terrible stage fright)
or acting in dramas and theatricals (ha, I get nervous).
Or maybe I’d be on a worship team,
playing piano and singing my heart out with others worshipping Jesus too.

Or maybe my Knight in Shining Armor would come,
he’s whisk me away to our Castle in the Sky,
and we’d live Happily Ever After.
We’d be deeply involved in things that mattered,
We’d change the world together.
Maybe we’d be missionaries,
maybe he’d be a preacher,
maybe we’d have a family.
A cute little family, living in a city, or maybe a house with a white picket fence,
surrounded by great culture and opportunities and education.

[seven happy Thanksgivings together ~ each one just gets better]

I had 5 and 10 year goals: there was to be no wasted moment.

There was a trust in God,
but it was a trust that had not been tested.
It was the beginning of roots being put down into the richness of Who He was,
but for roots to become strong they have to grow, often against pressure.

My twenties didn’t look as I expected them to.
There were some things that were better:
other things in which I had to learn to trust the scripting of God.

A few highlights of my {Roaring} :) Twenties:

I…

… spent a few months in Guatemala, Central America, studying Spanish with my sister and two friends
… traveled to Africa on a mission team
… went to Asia for a month – one of the best months of my life. I left part of my heart there.
… reached Country #24 in international travel
… was a bridesmaid 4 times and maid of honor 3 times {what a HUGE honor to have so many dear friends!}
… married my Knight in Shining Armor, the man who won my heart and still has it
… my husband and I became homeowners twice, remodeling extensively, and bought & sold several other investment properties
… moved almost a thousand miles away from everything that had been home to me
… taught school for one year, 2nd and 3rd grade
… was given the precious gift of motherhood, three times
… started blogging at a little place called Life is a Dance ~ titled that because I envisioned the dance of my life led by God
… ‘My Faire Lady’ was born ~ a little side business that I so enjoy
… our home was featured in the local paper
… was featured in the Set Apart Girl online magazine
… became an elder’s wife
… lost a grandfather, an aunt, a cousin, and a best friend
… learned that marriage is covenant, a commitment I made to God, and my vows are for a lifetime.
It’s not able me, or him: it’s about showcasing the picture of Christ and His bride through our marriage. Any lesser thing mars His image.
… my husband and I spent three months in Colorado at Ellerslie ~ a highlight of my entire LIFE, and we are so much richer for being poorer
… two of my sisters began their happily ever afters
… Jesus has become infinitely precious to me. I simply adore Him, there is no other way to explain it.

My life at 30 now looks quite different than what I envisioned it to be.
There are things I never expected. There are losses that will be felt until the day I die.
There are wonderful things that will bless me for the rest of my life.
I wonder what the next decade will hold. Or if I will even live through the next whole decade.
The time allotted to each person is not ours to determine.

[Thanksgiving table with my family. My sister Ervina is so beautifully creative and came up with this ‘thankful’ placemat. We loved making them and filling them out!]

[my little dimple girl, and name tags written by my 5-year old]

In some ways getting old is scary, because there are a lot of people who seem to have the life sucked out of them.
And the older I get, the more I realize that it is only the grace of God that enable people to age gracefully.
It would seem that there are many reasons to become bitter and angry at life, at God,
to carry unforgiveness and anger toward people.
When I see an older person (not meaning 30! more like retirement age) who is full of life and grace, I STOP AND OBSERVE.
They are so rare.
But it’s because of choices they’ve made all through their lives; those kinds of people don’t just happen.

And then I see some real-life examples of women who are living that way right now, in their 30s, their 40s,
and I STOP AND OBSERVE.
I watch them, hopefully not in a creepy way :) but I do watch them; I want to learn from them.
And I see how much richer their lives are now than even ten years ago, in that age of bliss and free-spiritedness.
They are full of life, but it’s the Life of Jesus that has taken root so deeply within them that HE is the Life they exude.
They are alive and free, but it’s not because they had an easy life: it’s because they had hard things and they chose to forgive.
They are vibrant and soft and passionate, because of the choices they’ve made toward God in the middle of the tears and pain.

I see these women in my mind, they have names and are real people, and I am so grateful to them.
THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY’VE IMPACTED ME.
THEY MAKE ME WANT TO BE 30. :)

[and it SNOWED while we were in Pennsylvania!! snow is just my favorite and my best. :)]

[my sisters and my seesters :)]

[i don’t know whom adores each other the most]

[my mother, grandmother, sisters and son]

In my twenties I was about a mission: being intentional in my living,
in what I did, the ministry ~ the doing.

In my thirties I hope I have even more passion, but not for myself or for what I think life should be like.
I want me to be all about Jesus Christ ~
His death and resurrection and the daily realities of those in my life,
His agenda,
His mission,
and simply pressing to His heart each day.
Instead of wanting to make a big difference in the world,
I just long to be in my Jesus and have Him dwell in me.
To know His JOY ~ the living.

And to simply treasure today.
How precious is the life we’re given to live!

Cheers to living fully and richly!

November 7, 2012August 24, 2014

To Ruth {A Tribute}

There are times when words evade me, and there are other times when writing is healing and therapeutic.
It’s been 18 days since a phone call that changed my life forever,
that my dear friend Ruth Glick Leatherman woke up in Heaven.
For her, it is joy unspeakable. For her family and those who loved her, it is an ache so deep.
This is a tribute to her, and the beautiful legacy she left us.

// photo courtesy of the Glick family //

Dear Ruth,

“O love of God! How rich and pure, how measureless and strong! It shall forevermore endure, the saints and angels song!”

This was the quote you wrote on your blog after the death of your first baby in your womb. This was the heartbeat by which you lived – to know and proclaim the love of God. This is what we remember you as, a lover of God, first of all.

It’s been a little over two weeks since I got the phone call from your sister with a choked voice, “She didn’t wake up this morning.”

I can’t even describe what went through me when I heard those words. Complete shock. Disbelief. “It can’t possibly be true!” Hoping against hope that I could just pick up the phone and talk to you and dismiss this nightmare I had just entered. Instead I began mourning from somewhere so deep inside that I didn’t even know existed. But it still seems like you can’t be gone.

How could this happen? I was just with you 2 1/2 weeks before. You ran a 10K just two weeks before. You ran a marathon last spring. I called you when Ruby was 2 or 3 weeks old and Mark answered, “She’s out running.” When I got a hold of you the next time I gave you a hard time for running far before doctor’s okay, both teasing you and yet with great admiration. You were the picture of health and determination. I am sure that even you had no idea of the mitral valve prolapse that caused your heart to stop that morning.

// brunch that Ruth hosted for my sisters, Liz, and me, just 2.5 weeks prior.
never in a million years would’ve i known this was the last time together. //

There are few people I’ve met that have been more ALIVE than you. You simply radiated life and vitality of body, and you are one of the most vivacious and fun-loving people I know. How you must have been absolutely delighted as you awoke in Heaven, and I know you are are now experiencing Life more fully than ever before. I can picture you now, head thrown back, laughing contagiously. Or speaking earnestly with wide expressive eyes as you talk with Corrie ten Boom, or scooping up little Emma, the little baby who died in your womb, and just delighting over her as you walk through Heaven. I can imagine you immersed in music, thrilling in something you deeply wanted to pursue while you were here.

What Joy you must know. And how it makes those of us left behind long to experience what you already know.
It makes Heaven seem all the more real; not a mystical idea of someday, but Real, right now.
At this very moment you are more Alive than you ever were on earth.
How homesick I am for that Real home, for that Reality that is far bigger than this earthly reality.

There are so many people who speak of you since you’re gone, how you were so alive, so passionate for God, such a great mother, a faithful loving wife, a friend who treasured the people around her, how you took meals to people, the gifts you gave, and on and on and on. And it’s true. It’s all true. Sometimes people say things to try to make the people left behind feel better, and other times people say things because they can’t help it, because of the impact someone made. And the latter is true. No, we don’t idolize you, but we remember your life and the incredible woman of God that you were, and we can’t help but talk about that. I’m in awe of what an impact one life has made on so many. Your one life.

There are reminders of you everywhere. Even though we lived nearly a thousand miles apart, you are still all over my home. In my living room grows the “friendship plant” you gave me, divided from your own plant, when I moved to Georgia six year ago. I walk in my closet, and there hangs a skirt you gave me for my birthday. In my drawer are the pajamas you gave. On my kitchen window sill sits the hand cream you made last fall. In my purse is your homemade lip balm. On my desk is the Willow Tree friendship plaque you gave before we moved away, because we were forever friends, you and I. In my cupboard is the bottle of vanilla extract, the make-it-yourself kind that you were so excited about. Hudson’s pacifiers and ribbon holders – you gave them. The tea kettle on my stove is from you and Aliza.

And then there are the matching things we had, shamelessly bought so we’d have one like each other. A skirt and pajamas that you gave and bought the same for yourself. I saw your navy and white striped shoes with the red bow and just had to buy some like it. We bought matching black trench coats at Gap years ago and still wear them. You saw my diaper bag from Pottery Barn Kids and loved it and bought one for your baby, and a matching fleece blanket from Baby Gap. And all these name-brand things we bought for a song – we loved quality but we were always hunting a bargain. We had the tradition for years of going shopping together the day after Christmas, and when I pull out my Christmas decor this year it’ll all be things I bought when with you.

I loved how we’d go to each other’s houses, and were as comfortable as family. “Do you have anything to eat?” you’d ask as you’d raid my refrigerator, and we’d both laugh. Or we’d go looking through each other’s closets and exclaim over clothing and wonder where the other bought it so that we could buy one too.

// Mark & Ruth
Esther, Isaac, Ruby //

// both pictures courtesy of Hannah Martin, sister to Ruth //

I always had a running list of things to talk about with you, and when we lived close by we’d talk non-stop when we were together. When we lived far apart we talked on the phone but our conversations were never finished – it was always “it was sooo fun to catch up, but next time we’ll talk more!” And I find myself, almost daily, thinking of things I still want to tell you.

You were the friend that called and left the best, longest voice mails.
Even my husband would know it was you calling because
1) the voice mails were so long, and 2) I’d always laugh when I’d listen to them.

I remember when we first met, I was 14 and you were 15. I thought you were so fun and popular and life-of-the-party and thought it impossible to ever be friends with someone so cool. You and Bek still ribbed me years later about that bright pink dress with the puffed sleeves that I wore that first Sunday to visit your church, and we would just howl with laughter. You were the one with the infectious laugh, and if people didn’t know what you were laughing about they’d feel like they were missing out. That’s the kind of person you were. You were the friend that knew me better than anyone else outside of my family, and somehow, you still liked me.

// in the beginning. goodness, how time has changed us! :) //

My growing up years have you all over them. Some hard times, but mostly good times, and the good times made better for working through the hard. You became like a sister to me, and you knew as much about my family as my family did. J The old Bronco you used to drive, the beautiful farm where you grew up, my parents’ house – so many precious memories are there. We laughed until we cried many times. We taught Sunday School together to a little kids’ class and you were the one with the great ideas and I was the one that said, “Oh yeah! That’s awesome!” and I’d just help.

We talked about our futures together, and wondered who in the world we’d marry,
and we prayed together about that.
You went to Russia for a year and I missed you terribly.

We met wonderful godly men and fell in love. We were passionate about God and purity and making the right decision in marriage, and were jealous over each other. We were in each other’s weddings and rejoiced in the other’s love, and stood by each other in the marriage we made until ‘death do us part.’ We talked about hard times in our marriages and felt for each other, but always always pressed each other to Jesus, and to our spouse. It was never just about us; it was about the forever covenant we made to our marriages and about helping each other stand strong in that commitment. And not just honoring the covenant, but about making our marriages the best that they could be. We weren’t satisfied with just mediocre; we wanted the fullest measure we could give them.

// my wedding //

// part of the small group we were in together
me, Ruth, Bek, Aliza //

// one of the best summers ever, involving lots of time together.
we both lived in Pennsylvania at the same time for a year after we were married. //

You called me one day with tears in your voice and told me you lost the baby you were carrying, and I cried with you. And then we carried three babies full term, pregnant together all three times, and loved to talk pregnancy and aches and pains and thrills of new life forming. We talked of our precious children and swapped stories and laughed at each other’s kids and asked advice and treasured the days when our children were old enough to play together. We hoped our children would become good friends too, the way we were, and we thought there was a good chance because you and I were going to be little old ladies together, loving God and life and being crazy together.

You were such a fun mom, and you so adored your children. And you were so intentional about being a mother. You weren’t satisfied to simply raise children – you wanted to raise children who feared the Lord, who were taught of Jesus, who learned to love the Savior that you did. You didn’t want behavior modification; you wanted their hearts to experience Christ. And so you taught them about Jesus.

Since you’re gone I once helped tuck your precious kids in bed and I listened to them sing the songs you taught them. Esther said, “I know a song! I want to sing it by myself!” And the evening of the calling hours she sang this song, “Savior, You can move the mountains… My God is mighty to save… Forever, Author of Salvation…He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave…” They know, Ruth. They know you loved them. They know that Jesus loves them. They know that God is a Big God. You and Mark taught them.

// pregnant with our oldest children, due within two weeks of each other //

// Shelly Nissley, Ruth, and myself. We’ve been pregnant together three times. //

You pressed me to God in beautiful ways. We could talk about anything under the sun, vent to each other when we needed to, cry about hard things in our lives, laugh about inside jokes, and every single time I’d come away I was inspired to more of Jesus. We told each other we’d pray for each other, and we did. Our talks could be fun or serious, but they would always press to Jesus whether in words or simply the spirit of your life. You were so hungry for God, always wanting more of Jesus, and that was our deepest bond. That was the foundation of who you were.

But suddenly, you’re gone. And what I feel is a strange combination of trust and agony. Agony because I do not know how to do life without you here. How can life ever be sweet again? How can it hurt so badly that you’re not here? Sometimes the tears fall like rain. Sometimes it seems the tears can’t be found. But the ache is always there. It hurts so deeply because what we had was so so precious. And I’m not even your husband, your children, your sisters and brothers and mom and dad… I’m just a friend, one of many of your friends, and it hurts so much. I can’t even imagine what they must feel, how much they must miss you.

And yet I do not doubt God’s ways, and I believe with all my heart that He makes no mistakes. I don’t understand at all, but I do trust. I believe that He IS Big Enough to care for your husband and your precious precious children even with you gone, even though it breaks my heart that you’re not in their home anymore. It is because of Him that we enjoyed such a close, precious friendship for so many years. Without Jesus those friendships and relationships don’t happen. It is to Him that you surrendered your life many years ago, and the fruit you bore was of the rarest beauty.

It was the Jesus in you that impacted so many people, and often without you trying or even realizing how impacting it was. It was the Jesus in you that gave you such a great attitude about life and other people, and rarely can I remember you down in the dumps. It was the Jesus in you that loved so well – loved your Mark, your three beautiful children, your sisters and brothers and parents and family, your friends, the people you met. It was the Jesus in you that gave you such a soft heart toward the things of God, that instilled in your children the love of God.

And it is to Jesus that we owe the assurance – not just the hope, but assurance – that this is only the Beginning for you. For us, as your sister Liz said, our time remaining is only a dot in the line of eternity. Yes, we hurt, we hurt terribly. But in light of eternity we will be with you soon. And this is not the end for us, although it sure can feel that way some days. Somehow you still live on, in your husband and beautiful children, in your beautiful sisters and family, even in the friendship you formed. We are better people, I am a better person, for knowing you.

Late in July of this year you wrote, “Pondering the thought that we are not made for this world of heart ache and pain.
It’s one of those moments when I wonder how long must we wait for the return of our Savior?”

And I know again that you are so happy, you are in a world that knows no heart ache, no pain.
You didn’t need to wait long, dear Ruth.

You gave me the words of this song after I lost my grandfather and aunt within a short time, and tears rose when I found them again now:

Homesick

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times. And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you.
But the reason why I’m broken the reason why I cry. Is how long must I wait to be with you.
I close my eyes and I see your face. If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place.
Lord won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow. I’ve never been more homesick than now.
Help me Lord because I don’t understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know.
But even if You showed me the hurt would be the same. Because Im still here so far away from home.
In Christ there are no goodbyes. In Christ there is no end. So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have. To see you again.

Words and Music by: Bart Millard
Sung by: MercyMe

And it’s not goodbye. It’s just a see-you-later. Because this isn’t the end.
This is only the Beginning.

All my love,
clarita

p.s. I hope our houses are next door in Heaven. We’ll have so much to catch up on.

// my sister Claudia and Ruth this summer.
they are so much alike, and being with these two at the same time was unforgettable. //

// pregnant with our 3rd babies. you at 40 weeks, me at 20 //

// forever friends //

edited to add:

Besides prayers and intercession for the precious Leatherman and Glick families,
which are invaluable in themselves,
this is another way you are able to help:

Calvary Monument Bible Church, and Marks employer , Earl R Martin, Inc.
have created a fund for the Leatherman family
so that Mark is able spend more time with his children, which is his great concern.

Please direct your tax deductible gifts of love to

Calvary Monument Bible Church
1660 Mine Road
Paradise, PA 17562

Please earmark ‘Leatherman Family Fund’

October 15, 2012March 5, 2013

It’s the Little Things

I’ve had my first Pumpkin Spice/White Chocolate latte,
and real pumpkins just started to be found around these parts.
The cardigans and boots and scarves and leggings are still hoping for a day cool enough
although all you northern folk sure make the layers sound alluring.

There is something so invigorating about the air this time of year.
Only 70* instead of in the hundreds?
Yes, please!
I declare as I stepped outside this morning,
that 70* (or somewhere there about) felt actually very crisp and cool!

Hello, Autumn.
I am so very happy you are near.

Weather such as this almost makes me feel giddy.
Just as a rainy day can put me in a mellow mood.
This time of year may very well be my favorite.
After the blistering heat of the summer,
being able to step out my door without breaking into a sweat.
Excitement about exercising without feeling like 200 degrees at the end of it.

It’s almost as perfect as it can be in this area.
We can’t boast of much natural beauty here, not many leaves that change colors other than brown.
No mountain peaks, although my girls consider the only overpass in town “a mountain.”
But this is perfect weather for visiting the ocean…
Be jealous, be very jealous. :)

For me, it’s often really the small things that bring so much happiness.
Not the huge events as much as precious, sweet everyday things.

So here’s my happy list right now…

… a few precious hours of quiet while Husband took the two girls with him.
I am grateful indeed. I can’t even express how grateful.

… tea parties mid-afternoon with two giggling girls.
They loved the little tea party.
They weren’t nearly so thrilled about the etiquette lessons I desired to teach them.
“But, I don’t wike being a wady.” – Olivia

… paint brushes are being pulled out often.
…re-doing little chairs.

… re-doing little footstools

… re-covering old chairs and pillows with happy fabric

… fiiiiinally stripping, sanding, sanding, sanding, scraping, sanding, and painting the old doors in the house.
yes, we’ve had them installed. yes, they’ve looked terrible for 2.5 years.
there is a reason we’ve procrastinated. :)
but what a good feeling to be getting them completed one by one.

… a laundry door painted a light aqua
[yes, the picture is intentionally on the side.
i really didn’t want to show the cat food, the overflowing shoe rack,
or the piles on top of the freezer.
i.e. in our limited-space cottage, it’s my messy room of the house!]

… coffee and biscotti for little girls on the front porch

… Zoe’ practicing cursive letters on the chalkboard

… a very rapid trip to Pennsylvania, the three kitties and I, with a friend ♥

… a fall-ish bouquet from my husband upon my return home from said trip

… mini-quiches, inspired by my friend Ruth, to freeze and pull out for quick breakfasts

… pumpkin roll! probably my most favorite autumn dessert.
wait, there’s also apple dumpling…

… first soup

… a fun little soap dispenser. who knew that a normal top fits in a coke bottle?
it was a happy moment of discovery.
and mrs. meyers. she makes me anticipate cleaning day.

… happy stripey straws amid glass vases

… Converse.
Why are little shoes so cute?!

… Daddy and his Little Man. ♥
Who ever knew you could be in love with two men?

… and who knew that being a mommy to these three would be the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done?
I am so so blessed.

Happy Monday!

~ clarita

September 25, 2012March 5, 2013

The Ocean and a Birthday Girl

The walls were closing in around me yesterday morning.
My mind and heart were full, of things that weren’t really things to talk about to anyone but God.
I was [very wrongly] becoming short-tempered and snappy at my children.
Monday morning was one such morning.

I needed a change of scenery. I needed to get my mind off myself and the things that were overwhelmingly mountainous.
I needed to get outside of my four walls, go to the ocean and gaze at the Bigness of God.

We may live in a very small town that doesn’t have perks, but being near the coast has many perks.
Including being able to pack up last minute and taking spontaneous trips to the ocean.
Monday was one such day.

It was THE perfect beach day.
Up north they may be wearing snazzy boots and wrapping cold fingers around Pumpkin Spice lattes.
But I was at the ocean, digging my toes in the sand and enjoying 85 degree sunshine.
There was wave-jumping with the girls, holding a blinking Hudson in the bright sun,
talking to the senior citizens that strolled the beach and stopped with chat.
I guess a mom by herself with three kids looks like she needs someone to talk to. :)

And my very deepest core was refreshed in the BIGNESS of my God.

Looking at the ocean, gazing as far as I could see, I was amazed all over again that He created it with simply a WORD.

Holding sand in my hand, the grains trickling down as in an hourglass, and the sand innumerable in such a small handful,
and yet He knows the number of ALL the grains of sand on all the seashores of the world!

The answer rang true in the depths of my heart as I sat there.

As my children delighted in His creation, laughing and shouting and running in their pink tutus.

As I pondered the wildness of the ocean ~ of how men try to tame many things on earth, but the ocean is untouchable.
It’s God’s territory. The deepest part 7 miles deep? My mind can’t even fathom that.
How the moon causes the tides, how there is nothing to change the rising and falling,
how He created it all to function so perfectly… so wildly.

And my heart of hearts said, “You ARE Big enough, God. You are BIG enough.”

Not that my “things” are suddenly gone. They don’t – poof – disappear into thin air (unfortunately).
They are as real and as difficult as ever.
But I know in my heart of hearts that God is Bigger.

And yet in that Bigness, far beyond what I can even comprehend, He cares. Cares. About ME.
One person in billions. He’s Gentle.

This morning I was looking for the verses about Him thinking of me, and was moved nearly to tears.

“How precious also are your thoughts toward me, O God.
How vast is the sum of them!
If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand!
When I awake, could I count to the end, I would still be with You!
[Psalm 139:17-18]

Whatever is big today, in my life, in yours, know that He IS Bigger!

________________________________________________________________

Since these pictures were taken on Zoe’s birthday [two months ago :)]
and I never did a post on her, I’ll add that little bit in as well.

Turning FIVE was a big deal this summer!
Birthdays are so anticipated at that age, the countdown is on for weeks!
Months, actually. :)
While mommy is saying, “Oh, just stay little! Please just stay little!”

If at all possible, we like to DO something together as a family on birthdays,
rather than making a big deal with gifts.
There are a few gifts, because it wouldn’t seem complete without them,
but making memories together is the big deal.

Zoe chose to spend the day at the ocean together,
and as her birthday fell on a Saturday, it worked out splendidly.

On the birthday morning she went out for breakfast with Daddy.
It’s tradition – you get a date with Daddy on a birthday.

Then we had a little party at home, just the 5 of us.
She loves princess things, and picked out a cake.
The picture made me gasp in fear when I saw it, because how on earth could an amateur make it?
But I attempted it, and I may never attempt another one in my life. :)

The leaning-tower-of-pisa castle cake

The day got later and later, and at 2:30 after the date and party we STILL hadn’t even left for the ocean.
I knew it would mean a super short time by the ocean,
and so we spontaneously made it an overnighter.
You know, make it a family weekend instead of just a day. :)
It was the best decision, and a wonderful time.

Zoe’ Grace, meaning “Empowering Strength and Life of God,”
truly does bring so much life into our family.

She is the most thoughtful one of the two girls, constantly thinking and pondering.
She has a ready giggle too, and has the wildest imagination.
When the two girls get to playing, we have our very own radio drama.
It is so entertaining, but she gets a sheepish grin if she realizes we were listening in.

She’s quite the fashionista, loving to chose her own outfits.
And let me tell ya, they are one-of-a-kind. Brights and patterns being in high demand.
We finally reached a happy medium:
at home, she can wear whatever she wants;
when we go away, she wears whatever *I* want. :)

She’s a super cleaner-upper, and the rooms can go from tornado-just-came-through
to looking as though I was the one that picked everything up.

She is so merciful, nearly reaching tears thinking of someone who is hurt.
We talk about natural disasters in other countries,
of orphans, of children who were abandoned by family.
Her eyes will widen and deepen with sorrow until I could almost fall in them.

Once after we were talking about orphans, she stated,
“God picked me to go to them. When I’m bigger, I’m going to go take care of them.”
She also has plans of a husband and large family (8 children) assisting her.
Or sometimes “my husband will watch our kids while I help the poor children.”
In all seriousness, she is planning to be a missionary.

Once, after Ben talking to them about Heaven the night before,
she came to me near tears, saying she wants to go to Heaven.
“Sweetie, if you love and obey Jesus, you will!” I assured her.
I quickly discovered she did not mean just sometime in the future.
She wanted to go soon; NOW in fact.
She followed me around the house, begging me to let her go!
And I would say, “Sweetie! God knows when it’s time! Don’t worry!”
Finally she said, “Mommy! But I want to go NOW! I want to go when I’m little so I can sit on Jesus’ lap!
Can you please pray and ask Jesus if I can go now?” almost crying.

I stared at her and burst into tears myself.
Don’t you hear of these kinds of things just before a tragedy??
What if this is a premonition??
I stopped everything, leaned down and hugged her tight.
“No, Sweetie. I can’t pray that. But even if you’re big, you can still sit on Jesus’ lap,” I assured her.
We talked some more, about God knowing the best time, and how we have to trust Him.
Me more than her, I’m sure!!

Zoe is very conscious of hearing the voice of God, and will sometimes tell me of the struggle.
“Satan was telling me to be mean to Olivia, but I said, “No! I will not listen to you! I listen to GOD!”

She is PRECIOUS.
Yes, she has times of disobedience, of willfulness, of the wickedness of Adam in her.
But even as a little child, her heart is so turned toward the things of God.

I am overwhelmed with joy at the privilege of parenting her.
And sometimes I’m incredibly sobered at the responsibility of pointing her soul toward God.
I can’t make any decisions for her, but I can point her toward Jesus.

She will also call me out. One day I was extremely exasperated with Olivia
and spoke very harshly to her, to put it mildly.
Zoe spoke up, actually crying, even though it was not to her that I talked,
“I don’t like it when you talk like that to my sister! You weren’t talking nicely!”

And God uses my own children teach me and refine me.

A few quotes:
~ In the car one day,
“Can you turn the air conditioner down, please? It’s blowing FURIOUSLY in my face.”

~ She lives in the south, this is true. When devastated about something or other,
“That just broke my heart!”

~ When she and I were going around the yard killing fire ants,
“Here look!! There’s a whole FLEET of them!”
saying later that’s what Curious George says.

~”I’m not always going to be a mopper,” as she grabbed a mop and started cleaning,
in all kinds of dressed-up, regal finery.
“I’m going to marry a prince! And tonight is the ball game!”
A Redneck Cinderella, for sure.

~”Did you know that when I have children, you and daddy are going to be their GRANDPA AND GRANDMA!?”
Please, child. You’re just FOUR. Don’t call me Grandma yet.

~ One day when we were saying what we’re thankful for:
“I’m thankful that satan is ‘ccomplished. ”Complished’ means that Jesus is stronger than satan.
…and I’m thankful for my Bible, because I read it and it tells me about God,
cuz I don’t love satan, only Jesus. The Bible says, “You are my Shield, and You are my Rod,
and You are my Road…” God is doing a work in my heart… I’m thankful for the Ten Commandments
so I can obey God…”

~ Saying goodbye to her little pink bunny blanket that she had since one month old, and slept with every night.
I expected a very emotional, tearful goodbye, but it was very jovial:
“Goodbye! Nice sleeping with you for a long time!”

~ Last autumn, at the first glimpse of changing leaves on the trees,
“It looks like they have red skirts on, and they twirl!!”

Zoe Grace, it’s a delight to be your mommy!

~ clarita

September 5, 2012March 19, 2013

Indian Squaw vs. Hipster Mama

Disclaimer: this may or may not be the true account of a husband and wife who love each other more than life, and yet sometimes still find themselves trying to learn the language that each other speaks.

It was a rainy, blustery day. We’re getting the effects of Hurricane Isaac, and boy, is it ever dumping. Because of that, it was a day that me and the kiddos all stayed at home. We slept in (all the rain that we’ve been having calls for that), got dressed, Zoe did school work, I did house work and laundry, we took naps, and enjoyed one another’s company in a relaxed sort of way.

Later in the afternoon though, I decided to put a bit more time into my appearance. Husband was coming home soon, and I wanted him to be glad to be coming home to ME. J

My hair was a bit out of control – to be in control it has to be washed with only conditioner that very day – and to top it off it was high humidity because of the inches of rain we’ve been getting which results in frizz! But let’s do a deep side part, and hmm, a side braid worked well. Yes, let’s see, and add a headband with flowers. Yes, that’s it. Change skirt, brush teeth, ready for Husband. Very simple and fresh.

I was busy preparing dinner when he walked in the door. I greeted him the customary smile and hug (kissing waits until after he brushes teeth too ). I didn’t expect a comment on the hair or outfit – neither was really out of the ordinary, and he’s not a man given to many compliments.

“Oh wow, an Indian!” he pointed out, after the hug. “Your hair looks like an Indian.”

“An Indian?!” I sputtered. “Um, that’s not exactly the look I was going for.” (Thinking to myself, um, more like hipster mama, if I reaaaaally stretched my imagination, and if Mennos can be hipster. But a squaw!! Either I was not pulling the look off that I was hoping for, or else he was oblivious to the cool look I was portraying.)

Guess that whole hipster idea is out for me, I thought to myself.

[a recap the next morning, same hair and outfit. thanks to zoe’s photography]

It dropped at that for the rest of the evening. I’m not one to take things very personally, unless it’s meant to be taken personally, and he most definitely didn’t mean it that way. He just says things how they are, and that’s that. No use getting offended about it. We spent a happy evening as a family, eating brownies and ice cream, Ben playing “I Spy” with the kids. We just had a NUTS busy schedule lately, and it was absolutely wonderful to all be at home for an evening for no agenda except each other. I forgot all about the Indian comment.

Later, as we were getting ready for bed, Husband said, “Hey, I liked your hair like that tonight.”

I gave him my “Yeah RIGHT” look and rolled my eyes, thinking he was kidding me.

“No, I’m serious. I thought it was cute.” he insisted.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “WELL. This is the 21^st century, and telling someone she looks like a squaw isn’t exactly a compliment,” I informed him.

“So you really thought I didn’t like it?” he asked.

“Of course! I thought you thought it looked dumb.” I answered.

He then wondered aloud what else he’s been telling me that isn’t exactly a compliment to me, and said he might have to take a course in communication.

“Not communication,” I replied. “Just compliments.” I got the giggles. He laughed again.

( I love that we’re honest about stuff, even little stuff. When we first got married things like this would’ve bugged me for days, but I wouldn’t have had the guts to just be honest and laugh about it besides. It would have put me in knots for days wishing I could just learn how to say what I thought, and then become a much bigger deal than it really was. Being married longer has wonderful improvements. J )

“Okay,” said Husband. “Give me some pointers.”

Oh wow, really? I should have been making a mental list for this Monumental Occasion.

“Compliments 101,” I began. “No. Indian. Comments.”
“Okay,” he chuckled. “Got that one.”

“And 102, please find other words than ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’. When you use those words it sounds like I’m definitely NOT beautiful or gorgeous or anything of that sort, but you have to find a way to say soooomething nice so you say, ‘pretty’ or ‘cute.’ I don’t like it.”

“Oh noooo,” groaned Husband. “Those are the two words I use the most!”

“Exactly,” said I. “That’s why they’re out.”

And we had another fit of laughter.

Today he sends me a text……………. “…You’re still the love of my life. And you’re beautiful, not pretty.” :)

Hmmmm, that’s more like it, Husband. J

Signed, the Indian Squaw

August 28, 2012March 5, 2013

There Was Once a Garden Wedding….

And so it’s part two of the wedding, way back in June!
I am so excited to finally have the pictures uploaded and ready to show you!

It’s been something on my want-to-do list ever since the day after the wedding.
Three babies, a crazy summer, Zoe starting K-5, and numerous other things have almost brought blogging to stand-still for me.
But even if I never blog again,
I am determined to show pictures of one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve ever been to!

Let me introduce you to

The Wedding of Kenneth & Ervina
~ a garden reception ~

This wedding was so special. From the calmness of the bride the week of the wedding,
to the many people that helped set up the reception, to the fun bridal party ~ it was just beautiful in every way.

Ervina was a bride unlike almost any I’ve ever seen.
Her prayer was that her wedding and week of the wedding would not be a crazy and stressful time,
as weddings can often be, but that it would be a time of peace and joy.
And her prayer was answered.
Ervina was radiant, refreshed, and peaceful the whole week.
I’m her sister, and to say that I didn’t see her stressed for a moment is saying a lot.
Her peaceful spirit carried over into all areas of the wedding.

The morning of the wedding dawned clear, bright, and perfect as anyone could wish.
And really, the whole day was simply perfect.
The ceremony was like a worship experience,
and the sweet presence of Jesus was so clearly evident that day!

Because of how the day was planned with the photographer and everything else, it was such a relaxed morning.
The bride went running early in the morning, and returned for some quiet time with Jesus before the day began. ♥
Some of her friends brought her Starbucks coffee as she was getting ready,
and another brought souffles from Panera for the bridesmaids!
Goodness, it was fun.

Details
Shoes – purchased from Target.com
Embellished with flowers and feathers by yours truly

Dress Sash
Francesca’s provided part of the inspiration with the cream flowers,
and I filled in with the white, lace, and bird cage veil netting.

[goodness, not to draw attention to it or anything, but i’m rather in awe of her tiny waist!]

My grandmother helped me finish up the last stitches. These hands are precious…

Beautiful bride’s bouquet.

The Bridal Party went to a beautiful old train station for the pictures.
Most of the pictures I have from there are thanks to a friend of the bride who snapped a few for me.

Ervina had an assortment of flowers for the bridesmaids to make their own bouquets the morning of the wedding!
I thought it such a lovely idea. Each bouquet was so unique, and reflected the style and personality of each bridesmaid.

My sister Jana ended up making mine for me ~
in between helping the bride with hair, french manicure on her toes,
my two girls with curling irons for their hair and getting dressed, my own self to get ready, I didn’t have a moment to spare that morning!
I loved the bouquet she made for me. Peonies are one of my very favorite flowers, and I had several of them!

The bridesmaids were asked to wear lace, in shades of cream, ivory, or soft pink, and could make them any style.
Ervina’s dress was lace also, so the only thing she asked was that they be knee-length to set her own dress apart.
The dress I made from a sheet and a piece of lace from an antique shop turned out rather to my liking,
although making it in my two-week postpartum state for the wedding at 5 weeks postpartum was rather a challenge.
[can we say that crunches began in earnest two days after the baby’s birth, and other forms of exercise began much earlier than usual?]

The shoes were also our own choice.
Remember the shoe dilemma I posted about before the wedding? So many pretty shoes, and I can only pick one pair?
I went a bit more fun and choose the cream with polka dots. I’ve worn them quite a bit since, so I think it was a good choice.

So many darling shoes!

The Bride & Groom

The day of being a bride… it’s a day that is gloriously wonderful, a dream come true.
Ervina was radiant and gorgeous.
Kenny’s eyes said it all as he looked at her ~ this man adores his bride.

The Groom & Groomsmen

Bridesmaids

Bridal Party

This is the only picture I have of the whole bridal party, so forgive the blurry, not looking, etc. etc.

Bride & Sisters

These two are the best friends in the world.

A light-hearted moment.

Family

Father. Mother. Third Daughter. Third Son-in-law.
[except we don’t call them in-laws in our family. we just call them brothers.]

Mother. Daughter.

The Barkman siblings

Sister with Big Little Brothers.

Sisters again!
This may or may not be one of my very favorite sister pictures ever.

The Barkman Family, now with three married daughters!

Zoe

Olivia

[edit: HOW could I forget to add that this particular flower girl was found in the swimming pool by Rachel Beachy and husband,
during the reception?? Fully clothed in flower girl attire and all. Thank goodness for friends. :)]

Flower Girls and Program Attendent

The Yoder Family ~ Groom’s family

Again, the only picture I have of the whole family. Sorry you all!
[is it better to not show it at all or to show it with half the people hidden?]

Kenny and his four beautiful and sweet sisters.
I don’t know who is more lucky – Ervina, to have them for sisters-in-law, or they, to have Ervina for a sister-in-law.

The dashing Mr. & Mrs. Good

Kenny’s nieces

beautiful sisters~

Jillian, darling flower girl

The most darling little two-year old boy present [nephew of the groom]

The Reception was held on my parents’ beautiful property underneath a tent large enough to hold 350 people.
It was gorgeous, it was simple, it was breathtaking.
It had a feel of elegant and royalty, but with the ease and enjoyment of a garden party.

I think I especially enjoyed it because our very own wedding was set in this exact spot seven years ago.
A big white tent was set up in the meadow,
the grounds were meticulously prepared by mom and helpers for months before,
and it was just a magical feel about it ~ both our wedding, and Ervina & Kenny’s!
Being there in that place with a wedding brought back so many special memories!

Ervina & Co. (meaning friends, family, & relations) helped create an outdoor seating area.
It was Ervina’s brainchild, and we enjoyed helping far too much.
Part of my wedding gift was the ‘Mr.’ and ‘Mrs.’ and ‘happily ever after’ pillows I made for them, which they used at the seating area.

The sofas and chairs were picked up at yard sales and second-hand stores, with the exception of the white sofa.
This beautiful vintage sofa my mother found for free beside the road!
It was missing legs, but that was easily remedied for the occasion.
I gave my family strict instructions never to part with the sofa.
I will carry it upon my back, from Pennsylvania to Georgia, if need be,
before they are allowed to sell it! :)
That’s how much I love it.

The guest book signing area, complete with Claudia’s vintage record player
that was actually playing as guests walked through and signed.

My husband helped create a doorway going from the outdoor seating area to the tent reception,
from beautiful old doors from Kenny & Ervina’s actual house that they had bought and were remodeling.

The guestbook, ideas by Ervina, carried out by Jana.

During their nearly two years of dating, Kenny & Ervina wrote many letters to each other.
They chose to do this rather than emails, for the sake of old-fashioned communication,
the fun of getting real letters in the mailbox, and having the hand-written notes.
If you notice, the top letter went all the way to Cambodia,
and it was not the only one Kenny sent during Ervina’s 3 months there the summer of 2011.
There were a bundle of letters at the wedding, but securely tied with ribbon lest guests think they were free for the reading. :)

A chalkboard timeline of significant events of their relationship.

Refreshements before the meal included make-your-own yogurt parfaits,
and three kinds of drink: iced coffee, strawberry lemonade, and sweet tea.
I’m not sure if the drinks were the hot item or if the guests kept returning for refills or because of the adorable straws in blue vintage jars.

My husband Ben and daughter Olivia, with my brother James.

Table Arrangement Details

The guest tables were set up in long rows, with white tablecloths and linen runners placed on top of them.

The centerpieces were wildflowers and flowers from friends’ gardens,
snipped and set in glass vases of all kinds – Ervina found them all over at thrift stores and goodwills.
It created such a symmetry, and yet diversity, that was gorgeous!

Soon after Kenny & Ervina’s engagement in October, Ervina and Claudia began collecting plates and goblets for the wedding.
Not just for the bridal party, but for all 350 guests!
It created such an elegant atmosphere with the real china, and yet the uniqueness and diversity of the plates made it fun and relaxed.

As for favors, Ervina and some of her friends made strawberry jam and put it in small glass jars, embellished with lace and twine.

The Bridal Table was similar to the guest tables,
but with all white and green arrangements, chargers, selected plates & goblets, and cloth napkins.
There was a gentle beauty that was breathtaking about the day, and about the reception, and particularly this table.
It was such an honor to be seated there!

We made the lace hoops from lace Ervina collected throughout her engagement and from large embroidery hoops,
and hung them alternating with glass jars with candles.

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Our own little family. ♥

And thus concludes the day of loveliness…
May their marriage be even more beautiful.

To see more images, visit the photographer’s website here.
Tori captured some beautiful exquisite pictures of the day, and her style of photography is so natural and creative!
If that post receives 25 comments, Ervina will be enter a drawing for a big enlargement, so comment away on there! :)

~clarita

August 14, 2012March 5, 2013

Tidbits & Snippets

The computer is propped up on the butcher block countertop in the kitchen,
providing me with Fernando Ortega while I’m attempting my baking day.

It’s not every week [or every month, for that matter] that I designate an entire day to baking.
But, you see, there is a long-anticipated weekend with extended family in the lovely region of southern Ohio this weekend,
and there is much preparation to be done.

The kiddos are writing on the kitchen chalkboard, as I write,
fulfilling what I hoped for and envisioned when we were designing the kitchen.
Baby is in his bouncy seat, playing with his little toys
[since when did 3 month old boys become old enough to play with toys already?].
Cinnamon rolls are baking in the oven and spreading an old-fashioned aroma throughout the whole house.
I should learn to love baking, if just for that smell. :)

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[Zoe’s rendition of the alphabet, by herself]

Adding to the “mmmmmmm” factor in my kitchen there is also Pam overspray on my floor,
singing a duet with flour-dusting beside it.
There are dishes overflowing my sink, cookie crumbs on the floor from sneaking kiddos.
There was both a spider and a roach the size of small dogs in my kitchen this morning that I killed with fervor.
I do think I will need a deep-cleaning when this is all over!

This summer has been one-of-a-kind in its busyness.
While I’m not even sure what all has made it seem the dizzy merry-go-round that it is,
I do know that simply having an infant that eats every few hours is one of the things,
along with 3 family weddings since March,
and a major bathroom remodel at school that we’re partially in charge of and provide much manual labor for.

For once I may have a short and sweet little post on my blog. :)
This is just a little popping in to say “hello!”

My sister has been begging for pictures, and said I can just put up a few and say, “Each picture is worth a thousand words.”
So, this is for her. :)
One of these days, if I ever attempt a catchup, there will be an overabundance of both words and pictures.
Just a warning/brace yourself. :)

OLIVIA CAROLINE.

She’s a little monkey.
How one little child can melt me in a puddle one minute and exasperate me so completely the next,
I’m not sure. I do know that we adore her, and we can’t imagine our family without her.

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BABY HUDSON.

I caught this picture one Sunday afternoon, just wanting to capture the sweetness of them napping together.
Baby gave me a little smile in his sleep, which absolutely slayed me.

It’s so hard to believe this little guy just turned three months old.
WHERE did time go? WHAT happened to my baby??
People guess him around 6 months old already, and that’s his clothing size
[although I try to squeeze him into 3 month clothes that are too cute to pack up already].

It’s funny, how when you have a baby that is small and petite
you think she’s just absolutely perfect and adorable and you’re so proud of her littleness.
And when you have a baby that is on the top of the charts and fast outgrowing clothes and gaining weight
you think that is perfection, and you couldn’t be more proud.
I’ve had it both ways, and both ways are so perfect.
It makes each one so unique, so original. I love it!

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He’s still a little baldy, with just a few hairs sprouting a’top his little head.
With my girls I would just wear hats and headbands to draw attention elsewhere.
This little guy? Well, let’s just say he and Mr. Clean would be good friends on appearances. :)

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Ben stopped me while I was mowing on Saturday and said I needed to take a picture of Hudson.
He had taken him outside with the rest of us, and Hudson fell asleep with Zoe’s thoughtful props.

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Nearly every day I think about how perfect Hudson is for our family.
Before he was born I just couldn’t even imagine our family with a boy.
Of course I wanted a son one day, but after two girls, we just kind of seemed like a girly-girl family.
I grew up with four girls all in a row, and thought that was perfect.

It’s just so beautiful to see how God hand-creates each family.
To be so unique, so original, so perfect for them. Girl, girl, boy. It’s perfect for us.
Even though I still hope for my four girls some day. And a brother for Hudson. :)
I suppose we’ll wait and see what God’s Perfect for us is.

FAMILY.

We spent a day with Anthony & Jana one weekend, since they live only a few hours from us now!
We visited their charming little southern home, enjoyed Jana’s good cooking,
and had fun with family because so close for the first time since I moved here 6 years ago!

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^^ this is what they could be like in seven years, we told them, if they follow us. :)

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Olivia sure likes her Uncle Anthony.

BIRTHDAYS.

Zoe turned 5 the end of July, and we celebrated with a day and night at the ocean. [more pictures later]

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[Little dresses compliments of Auntie Ervina. Next time, find one in my size, please?]

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Ben turned 32 last week, and we had a little in-house party, with in-house people only.
Because of our busy summer, and being gone so much in the evenings,
he requested that we have no guests but just enjoy a family night. We did that.

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Birthdays mean you pick the menu.
Husband chose Taco Salad.
Really? He’s too easy to please.

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On his birthday with the three kiddos.

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DATE NIGHT.

Something so important to us, but hard to make happen. Especially since Baby #3.
Such an event calls for dressing up, and a picture to remember it by.
Oh, and a tripod, since there was no Zoe around to take a picture.

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We celebrated seven years in June, and I have to say, this past year has been my favorite yet.
God is so good to us. He’s so faithful to redeem, to continue to work in us despite our weaknesses.
And marriage is worth fighting for!
I’m so humbled when I realize that my marriage isn’t just about Ben and me –
it’s about being given the sacred opportunity to showcase Jesus Christ to the world.
I read This Momentary Marriage by John Piper within the past year or so,
and marriage has taken on a whole new wonderful meaning.

And now the dishes are washed and food in the freezer. I find myself humming along to “Arky Arky”
which the kids requested during their visit to the kitchen and I forgot to change the music afterwards.
Sometimes I think being a mom is like being given a second childhood. :)

Wishing you all a beautiful week!
~ clarita