This little blog has been very quiet of late.
The circumstances surrounding these days have been such as need no apology for the quiet, and the thoughts and feelings such as are difficult to translate into words. Pen to paper, or words to computer page, are normally how I can easily express myself. These days, articulation is difficult at best in any form.
It is not a question of my faith, or a shaking of what I believe. It is more a deep feeling for those I love so dearly, that are facing such loss in varied ways… It may be a death, or the losing of a family member in other ways that are equally painful. The details are not mine to tell, but probably all of us know of times in our own lives or in those we love, when we suddenly saw life as the battle is really is: the blissful carefree perspective disappeared, and the reality of the sorrow of life nearly takes your breath away, it’s so severe.
Sometimes my heart feels torn in two for those I love, and the how they experience such raw agony. I wish there was some way I could take it away for them, make life happy and carefree again… and I can’t.
Quote from The Church Initiative, Inc
“Grief will either make you a better person or it will cause you to harden your heart as you resist its lessons. You have the opportunity for unparalleled spiritual growth. This will not happen quickly, but you can grow deeply. By learning that life is a precious gift, you can do more than just exist; you can live on a higher plane.
It was when Isaiah’s friend died that he had a deeper experience of God.
“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory'” (Isaiah 6:1-3). ”
[end quote]
…Grief will either make you a better person, or it will cause you to harden your heart…
Yes, I can so see how this is true.
I so much want the first one, to be come a better person, to grow a deeper heart in relationship with God. Grief has a way of revealing what a person is truly made of, and of what truly matters in life – that it’s GOD that matters most of all, that life here on earth is so transient, so short, in light of eternity. And it’s PEOPLE and relationships that matter…
There are days when I wake up and feel that I could never be exasperated or upset with my kids again – I mean, how could I be, when I’ve been given three of them as such precious treasures, when some women long for even just one baby of their own?
And then, that very same day, real-life happens.
…Food gets strewn all over the floor at lunch time (and maybe even breakfast).
…Little guy cleans off the chalkboard so sweetly with a wet paper towel, and I suddenly realize that the only water he can reach is the toilet! So into the bathtub he goes, along with his sister who needed a bath anyway.
… I hear water splashing outside, and try to think of when and how I left a faucet on somehow. I look out the door and see the two freshly-bathed kiddos splashing in mud-puddles they’ve made, jumping and laughing, and muddy from head to toe.
And this all happened, for real, in one day. Disasters? Not at all. Exasperating? You betcha!!
Never becoming exasperated again? Maybe that will start tomorrow. :)
It’s in these times ~ in the great heartbreaks of life, of deep loss, of pain to the core of our beings, of relationships that are imperfect and painful, and yes, also in challenges of mothering when I’m brought to near tears – I realize so much how I need my Anchor.
I changed out the chalkboard in the living room recently with the verse that’s been on my heart so much the past six weeks, through various heartbreaking things we’ve lived through and heard, and through the daily responsibility and gift of being mommy to three little people.
“…It is impossible for God to ever prove false or deceive us, so we who have fled to Him for refuge might have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope set before us.
“We have this hope, as an anchor of the soul, sure and stedfast…”
[Hebrews 6:18-19, Amplified]
What hope? The hope of Jesus Christ, the truth, and the knowledge that He IS everything I need. He never promised that life wouldn’t disappoint, or that circumstances wouldn’t be hard. But He did promise that HE would never disappoint us.
I don’t profess at all to know the great “why?” behind so many questions… The why of little babies born to a godly father and mother who wanted them, who prayed for them, who would teach them in the ways of God, and then tragically taken. The why of babies born out of sin and lust, put into families that are full of the flesh, that are determined to live their own way no matter what God says, and living in the midst of sin. The why of babies born and growing up, sold into the sex trade (1 million every year). The why of families enduring pain as the result of a father making bad choices, and the innocent are left to suffer and pick up the broken pieces. The why of health challenges, of sickness that is incurable.
Did you know that many atheists have come about not as a mere logical conclusion, but as a result of being angry at God, for all the sin in the world? And so they deliberately turn their backs on Him, refusing to have anything to do with a God who tolerates such pain in His created world.
I don’t profess to know the answers to these hard questions. I just know that I cry tears as a result of this sin in the world, of the pain and brokenness. And I am don’t understand how God can respect the free will of man, even when it results in such sorrow and disaster. But I know that sin is responsible for all the sadness and agony in the world: this was not God’s design.
But can I trust God in the middle of all this? In the wreckage of humanity? In the sorrow of loss?
It comes down to a belief: Either God IS who He says He is, in every situation, or He isn’t. He is either faithful and trustworthy at all times, or none of the time. He is either kind and good in all things, or in nothing.
I choose to put ALL my stakes in with the first – He IS trustworthy in everything, He IS good at all times, He IS God.
Because He is an Anchor. When life brings storms and everything is torn apart, He never changes. He gives peace, even when it seems unfathomable that there should be peace. He brings comfort in sorrow. and we grieve with hope because we know HE will have the last word, and this life isn’t the end of the story.
And if you want a beautiful, powerful song to listen to, go here. Music ministers so deeply…
Happy Monday, my friends! Rejoice in the Anchor of our souls!
And thank you, truly truly thank you for the great outpouring of love and support we’ve felt from so many people – through words on the previous blog post, messages, texts, but also cards and love and even food brought to us and to my family. The family of Christ is just so precious. We could never repay you. ♥
Praying for your dear sister and husband as we enter “Mother’s Day” week today. Such excrutiating pain. Oh, dear God, please send your precious comfort to them and all of the family, as they anchor their hope in You.
Praying for your whole family. Thank you for remaining strong and living out your faith. Blessings to you.
Thank you for the words from your heart! They touched me and I needed to hear them. Blessings!!
Where in life and death would we be without the Anchor of our souls… Continuing to pray for you all. For peace, for strength, for His glory. And thank you for putting these thoughts of yours in to words. They are a blessing to me and to so many.
Absolutely stunningly well put. It is hard to sum up in one tiny comment the way that the Lord used this post to confirm, encourage, and support this little heart of mine. Your family (and extended family) have been in my prayers since I saw the news that came shockingly several weeks ago. The Lord has continuously brought y’all to mind- especially in light of the approaching mothers day. Anyways… I am starting to ramble, but I just wanted to say (not very eloquently!) how much this post has encouraged my little heart. Thank you so much for writing and letting the Lord use you in this way. What a blessing you are to so many of us, myself included.
With gratefulness, Rebecca :)
Beautifully written! thank you for the encouragement today.
Beautiful! Praying your family will be held extra close through this week!
I, have always maintained, I have such “glorious plans”, but God has other plans..and “God is still on the Throne”(a song name).. I probably, someday, will enter, the gates & be, saying WHY, Lord, Why.. I understand, more, now, that I’m 71, than, I did, at 20 yrs of age..My Dad died at 50, suddenly..throwing Mother, a curve. She was 43..Then, 3 yrs, later, my 21 yr, brother in car wreck..in coma for 3 yrs.. We, have 3 sons..they have been in wars..& PTSD, that’s very sad, for a mother to go thru..but they came back alive, alot of them are injured badly or died..the world around us, is not what, it used, to be 40 or 50 yrs, ago.. Times, are changing..Our family used, to go to church Sun morn/nite & Wed nite..No ballgames, etc..now, they have 3-6 ballgames, a Sunday..& people work on Sun..we, used to have closures on Sun..Hobby Lobby, closes on Sun..Seems, the family unit, is broken down..& all people want to do it Text Message..no talking on the phones..Now cursive, is not being taught in schools, because of computers.. ? I love your cursive, on the blackboards..so beautiful & so delightful, to see, you enjoying your family.. There, will always be life & death..some will die, young & others, are setting in nursing homes, waiting to die..My Mom, was with me, in home, for 6 yrs, & in nursing home 10ys..Double amputee/blind..I had kidney failure 2000 & was in intensive care 4 wks on ventilator..the Lord blessed, me, with this many more days & years. I don’t understand, the WHY’S .. But just the praise, the Lord, for any blessings ,in our lives, the sunshine/the rain/flowers/blue skies/stormy skies.. some are able to see & hear & walk & talk, those are all blessings.. Now, I’ve written a book..But, you are a blessing & always, use, those talents.. and your family needs, you & your husband, needs, you. So, just Praise, the Lord, for each step, at a time & each blessing daily.. Prayer’s and blessings to you & yours.. June DeLighte in Central Iowa
Your unwaivering Faith touches my Heart. I have experienced much tragedy, pain and loss of my Loved ones in my life. I at times have felt that God has left me and somehow I know he is still here waiting for me when I return. My heart always aches and another Family member struggles. At Church on Saturday, I couldn’t focus on prayer but I needed to be there. God Bless you and your Family through this time of sorrow. May He comfort your Sister and Brother in Law.
Hello! I somehow stumbled upon your blog from a link off facebook several months ago. Your posts have been SO encouraging to me. (I read back as far as I could! ;) ) I am blessed by your words. By the way that you delight in your husband and children. And I so appreciate that you are real, and authentic. I do not know you, but your family has been in my prayers. I read John 16 this morning- And I know that Jesus is talking to His disciples about His upcoming death,and Resurrection- but I wanted to share these words with you : .. You will grieve, but your grief will be turned to joy,… Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy! (Taken from the last part of verse 20, and then verse 22) Blessings to you today..
Beautiful words! Even when life is hard-God is good and is the anchor for our souls! Thank-you for taking time to share your heart!
Clarita, I pray for you and your friends and family,.That God will bless them with a strength,love, and understanding that can only come from Him..Praise Him in the Storm, always comes to mind when we have sadness in our lives.. God Bless you and your family..
This was so beautiful Clarita.
His ways are not our ways…and it’s SO hard to understand sometimes.
His ways are perfect even when they seem the complete opposite of perfect to us!
Still praying for your family. For your sister. For her deep loss.
Also…I absolutely love your chalk board! You did a great job, and it looks so spring/summer-ish.
<3 XxOo
While i experience deep sadness….someone sent me this to read.
It truly has blessed my heart. Thank You!
What a great verse to cling to. Yes, He’s the only true anchor that will give us hope in times of heartache. In times when life just doesn’t make any sense at all! I am so sorry for your family’s sadness. My heart is deeply touched, knowing the pain firsthand of losing a precious little one, taken too soon, and the weeks and months to follow………
YES, to all of it. <3 ~ di
It is so good to hear from you my friend! So many times of have thought of you, and prayed for you and your family these past weeks. Beauty for ashes, strength for tears… that is what I see in you. Love you dear-heart!
This was a much needed encouraging word during a “why?” season in my life. Thank you.
Beautiful words, Clarita.
I love that verse, there are so many comforting words in Scripture. I hope and pray that God is comforting your loved ones, Clarita! Hugs to you.
I don’t think there are ever really words that another person can speak that will bring peace to the hearts of those who are aching but I do know that the Lord will fill those soul-holes if you allow him to and it sounds like you are on the right path during this grieving process. It is never easy to move forward when things seem so incredibly unfair. Continue to pray, tor grieve, to write (even if its just to yourself) and when you are ready all of us who have come to know you through this page will be hear for you when you are prepared to return. You and your family have been in my prayers and will remain so. It is hard to not question the Lord when things go astray but do your best to live knowing that there is a reason for everything and that even the shortest of lives can have the biggest impacts. (((hugs)))
Such a beautiful post and I’m so thankful for that Anchor! I have been thinking about Ervina this week again, the week of Mother’s day. I remember that week so vividly after my miscarriage, being a mother but not having anyone to hold. I cry for her and pray she is held tightly!
Beautiful! Prayed for you and your dear sister. I am 5 months prego and I thought what if and the pain that would be so great, and this is my 5th not my 1st. Hugs to you and yours, and thank you for sharing your heart with us!
yes, amen to all of it!!
love you dear one.
Thankful for the anchor He is to my soul as well. You wrote it well. The why is not near as important as the Who… The Who He is.
Thank you for this, Clarita. I have been walking through a dark trial lately and yet have been finding that Christ is shining brighter in this…revealing Himself in ways I could not have fathomed. And thank you, for sharing the song. Precious truth and worship.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I loved hearing one time about the barnacle (little sea creature) that clings so tightly to the rock, that no amount of tossing of the sea can shake the barnacle off. If it had chosen the sea weed, or even the sand as a place to live, life would be very different for that creature. I’m thankful for your reminder of our anchor and ROCK. I know that at times I have not fully trusted, and boy does the storm rage wild! I really feel for your sister and family. Hold tight!
I wish I would have read this before seeing you…but then it may have been a tease because there wasn’t enough time to get into all of this. Please DO plan a trip for this summer!! :) You have a beautiful heart, Clarita. It is so encouraging to see you allowing the pain and grief you have been experiencing to know and trust God more deeply.
I’m finally catching up on blog reading . . . And yours was first on my list! You have a way with words and I just love the undying faith that lives on in your soul. I love you, this post . . . And that verse on the chalkboard is so so perfect.
You post was so beautiful. I am so sorry about the death of your sweet little nephew. I pray for God’s comfort and healing in your whole family. My folks lost a new born baby boy when I was 4 and I wrote a post about that and what my mom received as a wonderful comfort to her heart. This is the link: http://elenasgarden.blogspot.com/2009/05/phillip.html I hope it will be of some comfort and help to you and your sister. God bless you
What another beautiful post, Clarita. You’ve been on my mind since I first read this post a couple of days ago. I have certainly said some prayers for you and your family. There have been times in my life I really don’t know what I would have done with Jesus. I wonder how people make it without Him. I went through a deep postpartum depression after I had my twins. I’ve not talked much about it, but I really think I would not be here today if it hadn’t been for being able to cry out to God in desperation and feeling Him comfort me. I remember laying in the altar at church at a ladies meeting just sobbing uncontrollably for some relief from my pain and fear. It’s times like these that we wonder why God would do this to us, why we have to suffer like this, but I was reminded by Him that I could never have a ministry without ever having faced any trials, and would never be able to help anyone else in need if I hadn’t experienced some grief myself. I’m in NO way implying that this was the same grief you and your family are experiencing, but just to reiterate what an anchor we have in Jesus. And how right you are about music being powerful. I am the choir director at my church (was the music minister until I had to let part of it go after having the twins) and I really appreciate the song you shared. It’s beautiful (I may have to do it with my choir). :) I thought of this one when you quoted the passage from Isaiah.https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/you-are-holy-isaiah-6/id399171654?i=399171833 (I couldn’t find a video of this particular version sung by a church in my organization). I hope it blesses you. Much love and prayers!
Your post are beautifully written. I am so sorry for your families heartbreak. I am praying for your family.
Clarita, what a sweet and heart wrenching post. Truly, God is glorified.